Battle of Wills

Dear Journal,

 

I love my sons. For the most part, they have brought me nothing but pleasure and joy. Recieving their mission calls in October was such a wonderful occassion that we shared with our friends and family and were so happy. For the first month we were all walking around on clouds, so happy that an assignment had been made and for the anticipation of the greatest adventure ever to be had just around the corner... and it was great.

However, from my last blog until now (there have been none - have you noticed, it's okay if you haven't ;-)) until just the other day - it has been a hard slog and a battle of the wills. Of course - as my sons are now in the MTC, we made it - but it was mentally and emotionally draining getting there. I only share this with you because the pre-missionary stage of being called to serve needs to be talked about more. If it had, I may have been better prepared, even if my situation was totally different to another - I would have been able to learn something!

You see, my boys were never into the party scene - so have not had any interest in and engaged in word of wisdom attractions. To my knowledge, they have never tasted of alcohol, smoke, or drugs. Thankfully, again the boys have not been immoral and weighed down by the trappings of sexual transgression. They have been good boys who have chosen their path resolutely and from an early age. So how was Satan going to penetrate the hearts and minds of these strong faithful young men?

I wasn't surprised at how clever and creative Satan is - but what I was surprised with is how he did it - through the breaking down of critical relationships. The relationships between mother and son, father and son, mother and father and brother and brother were tested, and almost stretched to breaking point.

There were arguments, and stand-offs and words yelled out that were hurtful and damaging to no one else but the family members. Satan creeped into my family through a mobile phone and the attachments and distractions that were communicated through facebook, instagram, skype and so on.... It was slowly luring my missionary son away from his family until his parents made the decision to cut off all internet and phone connections.

This should have helped, and in some ways it did, but then the pressure and pestering to reconnect, to go out of the home to connect with people was continually put to me. It was tiring and worrying. We wanted our son to go on his mission free of any trappings, distractions and ties to any one person. We didn't want him to worry about anyone that promised if not verbally, emotionally to wait for him!

Our son was asked to go to party on New Year's Eve in another town. I could not believe my ears - 1ess than a fortnight from his setting apart. He kept pestering me over and over to attend that party, and unhappy with my reply - shared some hurtful words and stormed off. I was so hurt and in disbelief that I called his father home and sat and cried. He later ran off to meet someone for a short time that night. Does he know that his brother, mother and father looked for him that night? Does he know that his mother spent the breaking of a new year, sitting in a car, with his father bawling her eyes out?

You see, I love my sons. I know that they are good boys at heart but they do have feelings and hormones!. I raised them to know right from wrong - but I don't know how others have been raised. I can't control how someone seeks a reaction from my son, or manipulates him to think bad about his own parents, cousins, and friends that he has had for years. I can only know my sons, and to be locked in a battle of wills with them was hard work!! Although he could only see the immediate future, we, as his parents, as all parents can see into the eternities...

I will never forget my husband saying to me - "We only have two weeks to go - are you strong enough to get through this - and get our son on the plane to the MTC - can you do this?" It was tough, I tell ya - and this battle of the wills is not for the weak !! But if your answer like mine was - "yes, I can do this!" - then good for you!! You can do this!!

Here are my top 5 tips on what worked for me (take them or leave them):

1) Plan the days leading up to your missionary leaving. We had family meetings every other day to track where we were with those missionary handbooks they get sent with their mission call as a guide.

2) Fill the days with shopping, planning, visiting friends and family. Keep your missionary busy. We went to see movies, we ate out, we ate in (their favourite meals), went swimming at the beach.

3) Become an electronic-free family - your missionary has to get used to it - so why not start earlier.

4) When they go through the temple for their own endowments - go often and get them to experience all parts of temple service. The most beautiful moments I had with my sons was when we had been to the temple.

5) Pray often and talk to each other more. I spent more time with my sons in the last two weeks than I had in the past and it was some of the loveliest times that I had remembered....

And for you mum and dad of pre-missionaries - just keep breathing. When I look back, I don't know how I did it, but we did - and you can too!!

Mxo

The Missionary Farewell/Setting Apart

Dear Journal

The last few weeks with your pre-missionary go by super quickly... I had a blackboard measuring the days and it seemed that no sooner had I put a number up, it had to be changed and the number kept getting lower and lower until my boys were GONE ;-(

I spent much of my time with my sons together as well as individually and loved every minute of it all, in particular preparing for their missionary farewell talks in sacrament meeting, followed that night by their setting apart. I learnt more about their personalities, their little quirks, and how grown up they had gotten, and how they had formed their own opinions separate to mine. What I learnt throughout this preparation time was that my son's have strong testimonies that God lives and the work that there were about to be engaged in was good and they were ready!

 

They spoke amazingly, with firmness and a love of God and their family. I couldn't have loved them any more or been prouder than I was hearing their testimonies. I was also blessed (by their invitation) to speak on both occasions. I cried most of the way through - and not sure anyone heard anything I said ;-). After speaking and singing a song I composed in our sacrament meeting, one of my sons said "Thanks Mum" and at that moment - it didn't matter if anyone else heard - because I know at least he did!

 

Anyway for this blog, I thought I would include my talk that I gave at my sons' setting apart called - A Mother's Parting Advice. I am sending it to my sons while they are in the MTC this week.

 

"My parting advice to my baby boys starts with and ends with one word - LOVE.

 

1) A Mother's love
A mother's love for her child is unparalleled by any other bond and I thank a kind Heavenly Father for blessing me with two beautiful sons who have brought me and their father, for the most part, nothing less than joy. If you could see how much love I had for you sons, it would surely fill this planet and the galaxy and beyond!!

 

Thank you for being good boys. You will be missed but we are so proud of you and look forward to this next part of your life.

 

2) Love your companion

Your father tells me all the time that I am a combination of all of the worst companions he ever had - so he was totally prepared for your mother ;-) Seriously though - love your companion. There is direct correlation between a working companionship and success in the Lord's work.

 

3) Love the people you serve

For people to remember you long after you are gone, and for generations to come, not only because you brought them the gospel, but because you truly loved them - that is success! Your father is the man he is today, partly due to the love of the missionary couple who baptised him, and continued to love him long after they had returned home.

 

4) Love the Lord

Love the Lord and he will not forsake you. President Thomas S. Monson has taught "When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to ask the question 'Why me?' At times there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel..... We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone.... We become impatient for a solution to our problems, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required. The difficulties which come to us present us with the real test of our ability to endure. A fundamental question remains to be answered by each of us: Shall I falter, or shall I finish? Whenever we are inclined to feel burdened down with the blows of life let us remember that others have passed the same way, have endured, and then have overcome....Your Heavenly Father loves you - each of you. That love never changes. It is not influenced by your appearance, by your possessions, or by the amount of money you have in your bank account. It is not changed by your talents and abilities. It is simply there. It is there for you when you are sad or happy,. discouraged or hopeful. God's love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve love. It is simply always there"

5) Lastly, my sons - as you have been taught since you were little children, strive to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost with you always. He will testify that what comes out of your mouth, in broken Spanish or otherwise is true!!

 

Go with your parents love and the love of your Nan (my mother passed away in 2007, but always prayed for my sons to serve their mission). This church is true, otherwise you would not be going anyway on the plane tomorrow night. God lives."

 

I hope that this brings the boys some comfort while they are serving, as it has for me re-reading it again.

 

Until the next time,

 

Mxo

The Temple Session

Dear Journal,

I cannot begin to describe adequately what it was like to go through the temple with my pre-missionary sons for the first time... but like a trooper I am, let me try.....

Going to the temple had been 18 years in planning - from when my pre- missionaries were in primary and their favourite primary song was (and remains one of the only ones we can remember the words to ;-)) "I Love to See the Temple", added to the fact that we live in a place called Temple View, named because the New Zealand Temple is in our community, and from our deck we have one of the best views in the country :-) All of these made us, even if unintentionally and by default, a temple focussed family.

 

When it came time for the boys to go through, everything was planned and executed perfectly. They attended temple preparation classes with a lovely couple from our ward - Brother and Sister Parker - affectionately known as Aunty Rangi & Uncle Vic. Their father and Bishop interviewed them and then our Stake President.

 

The temple morning went well enough with us getting the essential clothing and then when the time came we went in. The boy's father and Uncle served as their chaperones, and their Aunties (my sister, and sister-n-law) attended with them. I was with them as much as I could and it was so beautiful. Any ill-feelings or tension we had had in the previous weeks /month were obliterated and disappated or just suspended for a time and I was so happy. I felt my mother's presence as I know she loved my sons very much. The session included two other boys who had recieved their mission calls and one other sister with their families - so there was a fair amount of love in that room!!

 

The boys went through quietly and thoughtfully and enjoyed it all. I have never loved my sons more than I did on this day and just so happy for each of my sons as they met another milestone with honour and integrity and in reverence and love. What a spiritual occasion that will never be forgotten.

 

My favourite part was holding  my son's hands before the session started and then again after, and above that was waiting for them to come into the celestial room. My heart was overwhelmed as I greeted them, along with friends and family. I held them in my arms and we embraced, mother and son - connected and spiritually forged!  I will never forget that moment EVER!!

 

Mxo

The best kept secrets of preparing a Missionary....

Dear Journal,

Every time, and this is without fail, I have been in a Missionary farewell Sacrament meeting, watching and listening to mothers and fathers with their missionary sons and/or daughters giving their farewell talks - I have been in awe. I have had a tummy full of butterflies fluttering away in there - every time! I have sat and marvelled at how 'together' the mothers are - and although there are tears - they were composed and look sensational, happy and spiritually fulfilledl!

 

In my mind, I would think - how awesome they had been in their preparation and find myself being motivated and inspired to be just like that when my sons would be missionaries. I would decide then and there to make changes or continue doing the things that I was doing right (fluke!!) to be a great missionary mother....

 

That was, until the beginning of this year - when I heard the truth...

 

I thank my friends D & C, who I met in the temple one day after taking their son through for his own endowment before serving his mission in Ghana, Africa. Africa of all places!! As you do, I went to congratulate the parents, and I talk about how they were feeling and they told me the truth! They were struggling. D had been crying for days. They were worried, anxious, sad and happy, excited and all those feelings in between. They told me that they had prepared all their son's life to serve a mission. All the focus of their parenting and all they did as a family was geared towards teaching their sons to be good missionarys.

 

But, what they had discovered, and it has to be one of the church's best kept secrets, is that nothing prepares you as a parent. No one prepares you or gives you a 'heads up' about the emotions of parents letting missionaries go, or explains the feelings around the 'sacrifice' of children a mother experiences as she watches her child leave for another country, new people, away from home. I have never forgotten those conversations and am sooooo grateful for D and C for telling me the truth. Now its my turn - and although I was aware of this plethora of emotions that would come from being a Missionary Mama, I have only come to appreciate more fully what they were talking about now... and even then - I have still been surprised at the amount of raw emotions involved in saying goodbye!!

 

The other thing that I thought watching families during their family presentations was the togetherness and happiness of the family - it was so beautiful to watch.

 

Again, that was until another friend told me the truth.....

 

I thank my friend S, who is sending out her second son (within 12 months) to serve in the Phillipines this weekend. What I love about our relationship (known each other for over 30 years) is that she keeps every conversation real so missionary preparation was truthful and I am grateful for it. She talked me to me about the challenges and difficulties at home with her sons leading up to their departure and I was so shocked and surprised. I thought that as this was the most exciting time of your sons life and in the family's journey - that things were 'rosy' and spiritual, full of joy, kindness and happiness.... 

 

So, with her little chats, I was aware that things were going to get a bit testy - but I had no idea just how much. Satan does not want my sons to serve their mission! That is the truth, so he is trying his hardest to break the only thing he has over my sons, and that is the very core of their universe - our family. Our family, since receiving the boy's mission calls in the beginning of October (and it is only November) leaving in January have already been battered and tested, relationships frayed, tears spilt, and anguish harboured, all during a time when it should be the most exciting of our lives! For a split second I have even wondered if we will get to the January 13 MTC date... AND although deep down - we will, and these missions will happen - getting there is not a path of blossoms and fairy dust....

 

It is no wonder, I often hear mothers express a sense of relief when their bundle of joys get on the plane, or get to the MTC, or even one of my friends just recently say she couldn't wait until her son leave (to which I was shocked at the time - but not so much now ;-).... and now I know why - being a Missionary Mama is not for the weak and faint hearted!

 

Seven weeks to go!!

Mxo                                                                                                                                

Happy as Larry

I am not sure who Larry is but the saying "Happy as Larry" has been a saying that I have been brought up so it is really that old.... :-)  It is also the first phrase that I saw when  I got my weekly fix from my beautiful niece who is serving in the Salt Lake Temple Square Mission. She is just soooo happy!! Her emails are so powerful that they have drawn tear drops from my eyes every time! This week was no exception with the added bonus of actually seeing her through photos. She has been on her mission since September and already the changes in her are amazing! I have to admit - this Aunty is soooo biased, but you would have to agree - she is beautiful and I love her and miss her dearly.

 

Sister Garisau's emails are sharp and sweet and if I time it right, sometimes she is online when I am and I get a direct response.... and those moments are precious! Today was no exception, so when I got the chance I asked if I could share her email and her photos and her response was a resounding yes, hence my blog post today (and parts of her email ;-))....

 

"Another week, more experiences.
 

On Tuesday we had the missionary fireside performance. It was so much fun and something I will never forget.... [On] Thursday we got to the play "Savior of the World." It was so amazing....

This morning we got to go to the Temple. We get to go every transfer, so every six weeks. It is absolutely amazing. Was so cool going through a live session. Loved it so much.

On Tuesday my companion and I got to take an emergency investigator lesson. When the Salt Lake missionaries come to Temple Square with their investigators without scheduling it. They usually have to schedule because the Sisters take them around. We taught with Elders and the investigator, Casey. He investigated before a few years ago but couldn't quit smoking. But now he wants to learn more and see if it is for him. It was so amazing.
One of the elders was [not very good] and was just taking photos the whole time but the other elder was so good. And I was so happy in myself because the three of us were able to bear testimony of about Christ and the Prayer. And in the end I committed to pray and read the Book of Mormon and he said he would. I love this mission!!!
 

Love you all and keep safe.

Sister Garisau"

Recently, I joined a facebook group called Missionary Mommas and one of the missionary moms posted a video of the missionary fireside that my niece was talking about - she actually recorded it for another one of the missionary mothers - so I had actually seen my niece performing not knowing where she was - so after seeing her photos after the fireside and seeing what she was wearing, I re-watched the video and I could actually see her dancing!! What a blessing ;-) I love my niece as if she was my own. She is such a good examples to my sons who are leaving on their missions in January 2014. We pray that her brother will follow her in February 2014 and the legacy of missionary work continues in our family.

I love being a Missionary Aunty xx

Mxo

 

 

Lowering the age of missionary service - a year later

Dear Journal

Almost one year to the date of the missionary age being lowered for young men to serve a mission, my twin sons recieved their calls to serve in the Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic East and West Missions leaving in January 2014!! What an impact that inspired instruction has had on our family.

 

You see, with the lowering of the missionary age, and being born in the 2nd half of they year (meaning they are still at school) - the boys turned 18 but were still at school so the last little bit of 2013 has proved to be  and is going to continue to be fast and furious and already proving to be very interesting....

Last day of school

Their last day at school for children is a milestone that many mothers comment on and it feels like a completion of a rite of passage. An although they are grown up on the outside - to their mother they still look like these little ones... So after 13 years of school - the question of what to do after school has been answered and I am grateful for that... the distraction of girls, making money, cars, and all those things have not quite hit and so for many mothers, the instruction around the age being lowered has been a divine intervention....

 

Graduation

The next milestone for the boys was graduating from High School. I had the privilege of attending a High School that was modelled on the American Schooling system, so graduation ceremonies were extravagant and a highlight of the school calendar. However, in NZ, graduation is called Senior Prizegiving and not nearly as exciting for anyone other than the handful that win the awards - so not the Turketos :-) We carried on our tradition of making and giving lolly leis and although they never said a word - I think they loved every one they got - which made their mum happy. So graduation -  done and dusted...

Graduating from Seminary was one event that was almost overshadowed by finishing school but it was something that was celebrated with other church members which was special. The Stake President had students stand up as he called their groups, not in wards, or agegroups, of excellence and achievements, but those who had been called on mission, those who had their papers in and waiting, those who were working on their missionary papers and those who wanted to go. It was so awesome to see both young men and a few young women stand as they fit. 

The next milestones (all critically important to a missionary) to be completed by January 13th 2014 is completing their exams, temple preparation, taking out their endowments, the farewell sacrament meeting talks, the setting apart, and then my least favourite of all - the airport scene. So you can see lowering the age was awesome at the time, and a year on, but when we are right in the mix of it - it was still inspired don't get me wrong -in reality it is pull-on, press forward, steaming ahead.

  

Mxo

Strength in Numbers...

One of the classes where I work are undertaking an experiment where every student has made a cutboard cutout of child and charged with taking him/her everywhere they go. Each cutout child has a notebook, that people can write in about the child - something positive and uplifting. The experiment is based on the saying that it takes a village to raise a child - so by everyone contributing to the child - the better off the child will be etc etc.... I bring this up because I agree that it takes a village to raise a child - BUT - just as important and in particular to me - there is strength in numbers - and a burden shared is a burden lifted and all those things that go along with this.... You see, I am not coping very well with the prospect of my sons going on missions. Oh, I agree with the reason and motivation behind it, I agree and support all of that - but the bit I struggle with is letting go of them. I have cried every day. I cry thinking about them going to the departure lounge, getting to the MTC and I'm not there with them, going to a foreign country where it has Republic in its name and there is no rhyme or reason to it - but I will cry if you talk to me about the boys leaving ;-)

But I tell you what - I am so blessed to have had many conversations with missionary mums who are either just starting or have grown and married missionaries now. Three have come to mind, which just this week have buoyed me up and honestly shared my burden (my anxiety of saying goodbye to my sons) with me (without knowing it) and made it lighter.

 

Faith

The other day, I just happened to bump into a good friend of mine this week and we started talking and we got around to the the subject that her niece had gone away and how sad she had been. We talked about how she felt and then she shared with me something we had both heard a couple of months previously by a speaker who taught us the principle of faith as shared by Richard C. Edgley who said: "Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism". She shared with me how choosing faith had helped her to know that her niece was going to be okay. Thank you so much for reminding me of this principle - to exercise some faith!.    

 

Fast

Today I sent a birthday wish text to one of my friends and I asked her (she's a mum of an RM) how she managed to send her son away on his mission - and she sent me back a text - which made us both cry and I will love her for it forever... "I would fast every month for my son. I even did every week some motnhs when I felt like I missed him or wanted assurance that he was ok. Plus I fasted for him to have a successful mission..... I never doubt Heaven Father's purposes for each of these missionaries. Remember the power of fasting! It will be an amazing blessing for you and your family."

 

Trust

Tonight I heard some disturbing news about the mission the boys are going to and as I was just about to run out of the room to tell my husband, ring the consulate, church HQ etc - a friend said quietly said to me - "Trust in Heavenly Father - He knows what He is doing. Just this week she almost lost her son due to complications around his brain tumour and this is what got her through - the knowledge that Heavenly Father knows all and to have faith and trust in Him. Trust your sons to him...." What could I say to that - nothing but "shush your mush M and get on with it!!"

I want to thank all the mums who have been in touch. I am learning so much from you.

Until the next time,

Mxo