101 Survival Tips for Missionary Mamas

Last week, a friend of mine, and a fellow missionary mama herself (for a 2nd time ;-)) handed me a book called 101 Surivial Tips for Missionary Moms by Mary Yoachum and illustrated by Cheri Cox Johnson. My friend handed it to me and said "You are already doing them". This was so comforting to hear - because 101 is a pretty big number :-) and I am the kind of person who needs to do all 101 ;-) 

Anyway, I came home that day and devoured every page and in my head I was quietly ticking off things that I was already doing - and grateful that I have had groups like Missionary Mommas, and Missionary Mamas, Dominican Republic Missionary Moms, and my Dominican Republic MM Email group who have helped me. If I didn't - this book would have been devastatingly new to me!

What I liked is that first of all the author dedicated this book to her three sons who had served or about to serve - so it was great that it was written by someone who "knew" what it was like to be a missionary mama. Secondly, since its publication, a lot of support systems are provided via facebook, email and Skype which I am sure would have been in the top 101 had we been using them a couple of decades ago.... Here are my top five (5):

TIP ONE: Say "Cheese"

Yoachum suggests that taking a variety of pictures of our missionaries before and after they leave and having them put around the house - brings us closer to them. I have seen pre-missionary shots that have been taken professionally and they are stunning - and something I wanted to do but ran out of time (and to be honest funds!)  to do this. As a result many of the photos that I have either have me or my husband missing because we would be taking he photo... So it something I wish I had done - and a lesson learnt! Now my boys have been out 5 months, I prefer to see their most recent photos dotted around the house - I feel closer to them by seeing their beautiful faces! This is one of my favourites because it was taken a few hours before he wrote home on his last PDay - just hours separated this photo and me!! It made my day!

TIP TWO: Priesthood Power

Yoachum encourages people to get a blessing after your missionary has left. I believe in the power of the priesthood and we took care of this before the boys left. The morning  the boys flew out, my husband (and Bishop) gave each son a father's blessing which were both individual and specific to that son. Our missionary sons then each their parents a missionary blessing. It was beautiful - and never a prouder mother was I in that moment.  All I can remember of mine was that my son blessed me that I would always know that I am loved and supported - and he said it two times - so in that moment I knew I was going to be okay....... eventually ;-)

TIP THREE: Gift Wrap

I have blogged about this - but thought it is still a great idea. I send packages to the boys at least once a fortnight if not weekly. It is costing an arm and a leg - but love to hear them talking about things that they have received, especially our letters, cards and other resources. Yoachum suggests that we decorate the outside of the envelops and packages, use stickers, notes, quotes, etc to brighten up their day. I have done this and loved it.... I also take a photo of Mr and I - and add that in so it is the first thing that the boys see. You can imagine how touched I was to see these same photos in prominent positions on their study desks some months later. I hope by seeing us they are strengthened and can feel the love we have for them in our faces. I also make cards with photos with family and friends on them - this last card had some friends holding notes to the boys - and for one son, I got a photo taken with his close friends and added those - anything to feel of our love and support for them.

 

TIP FOUR: Language Lesson

A tip that I am going to work on is learning Spanish. The boys are getting better at it every week - and the more they get better - the less Mr and I have a chance to speak with them.... so this is definitely a MUST for me!! A great tip. In the meantime, I am getting church magazines in Spanish sent to the boys while they are serving. I've sent the last conference talks to them in English, and marked a number of them with my thoughts from talks that I have taught from, spoken on, and listened to others speak and teach with. I have done this to give my sons a break from their language studies... especially as they didn't have a command of Spanish when during the last Conference.....but the rest will be in Spanish..... Added to this tip, Yoachum also suggests asking the boys to write a message in Spanish and when I got it - try and figure it out (without google translate) - and get them to reply - wish me luck :-)

 

TIP FIVE:  Tickle his funny bone

I am a wannabe amateur comedian, so my sons have been raised by a crazy person who finds humour in many things - so when I see something funny/quirky I send it to the boys. I was a bit scared to do this as first because I didn't to be the reason my sons were distracted - so I sent them something little  to try and make them smile. They commented on those things and one son has asked me to keep sending them... and it again it keeps us connected somehow... So I keep my eye open for funny PG rated pictures or stories - and they are more difficult that you would think to find or not that easy to come by - so I just end up telling them my own stories. Added to this, in the questions I send for them to answer on their PDay, I always ask them every week is to share with me a funny experience. I have loved hearing their funny experiences  - and they have, and I can tell you, some of their little stories have made this old lady laugh out loud ;-)

 

Well, that's five tips, and plenty more where those come from - but like my friend said - you are probably doing a lot of them - so keep going. Keep up your efforts. I have heard that missionaries get letters all the time in their first 6 months and then they don't get much, if any.....so let's keep it up missionary mams... I know that any mail will light up the world of that missionary for a time....

 

Well, I better get going - sending a package tomorrow and need some beauty sleep to get a great 'selfie' to add to his package.

 

What survival tips do you have?

 

Mxo

The Mother's Day Call

The Mother's Day Call - what can I say??

This I will say - the build up and stress of getting the call sorted was more than I expected.

Let me start from the beginning. I am the mother of identical twins... basically this means that I have one person split into two  - this is my own theory - so don't quote it anywhere.... But for me, the only thing that they share is their face... although to their mother - they look totally different, sound different etc... but to anyone else they might as well be a mirror of each other - which is funny because they are what we call mirror twins... and I digress.

 

I tell you this so that you can understand one son is very controlled. He likes things just so. He doesn't like changes very much. He is disciplined, and likes to be planned and organised. My other son is easy going - I call him my cruiser - whatever happens will happen. Don't get me wrong he has driven, highly competitive and has ambition like his brother - but he is chilled ;-) We miss our sons!

So these two wonderful human beings are sorting out how they are going to get in contact with their mother (and father - but this is my blog so its all about me ;-)). They have never undergone a task like this before - navigating international calling, international times and zones - so I am not sure what to expect. I know it's been four months of serving a mission in a foreign country and they are no longer my teenagers that left home so I am quietly confident.

One son, comes back quickly to say what time he will be on and that he will be in touch beforehand by email to confirm. He is very clear on the details and his father and I know that he will make that time by hook or by crook. The other son, bless his heart - gives me a date for his Skype and tells me that he is going to call on the phone to confirm the details. He then says to be prepared for any event and says "so don't go to church on Sunday, or work on Monday or Tuesday".....Mr and I had a little giggle... because we know with his companion - he is going to stick to the first date and time he gave us.

 

The son who likes to be organised and prepared emails alittle distressed that he has not had any luck finding somewhere that has Skype capabilities, so we try and be supportive and tell him, that a phone call will be just as good... His response is that he will Skype no matter what! God loves a tryer our baby boy!

 

So our first skype calls come through - we get to meet his companion who we thank for being a diligent trainer..... our baby is nervous to start with and was moving quickly through what appeared to be an internal agenda with a time frame to it - we have 10 mins for this and that.... I don't think so my boy - so I stop him and said "Son" - "Yeh" - "Son"- "Yeh" - "Ssoonnn, I love you son" - and with that his father and I looked at him and we all cried. We were connecting for the first time in 4 months and it was good. He was skyping from his Bishop's office so it was peaceful, and technology was great. We had no issues.

He showed us his shoes, we laughed about his watch that I thought would be too big, we had a giggle about his diet and his precious '6 pack' he was so proud of before his mission and we then in one hour it was over! He was gone. Just like that!!

So with that over - we made adjustments to our set up and waited for our next son - who was having a time of it. All the places that had been scoped out either had computer issues or were closed. Him and his companion walked for a long time searching for a computer with skype capabilities. I tried to alleviate some of the stress by letting him know that he could call - and he was not having that. He wanted to see his parents...... and just like his personality, his perserverance paid off...

He skyped and it was soooo good to see him. His father was getting caught up on the picture we had which was so pixeted that for the majority of our time together, we hardly saw his face clearly - but we looked into our sons eyes as if we could see him clearly. We tried to make it relaxed for him by ignoring the issues that he was having with being in a noisey cafe, with people in the background, with music blaring outside and two power outages.... and concentrated on our boy - because he was the most important person to us... It was hard, but I could only imagine how much harder it was for him....

He showed us shoes and I have never seen a bigger split in a sole before ;-) He is in a tough area and we spent a lot of our time encouraging him to keep up the good work, and to remind him for all the time we had together that we were so proud of him, that we loved him and that his attitude was amazing! We got to wave out to his companion.... It was a bit harder for us to say goodbye this second time because of I felt he wanted to share more but given his environment...

So what have we learnt - 1) Being organised is critical. You don't want to be wasting time getting your camera and technology in place, 2) Have your questions ready - ask everything and anything you want, - we found that because we have questions ready for PDay - we are pretty much up-to-date 3) some of the best advice we were given was to let them talk - they have so much to say they need to be able to talk as well, 4) let them ask questions as well, one son wanted to see his room and the temple (we have a stellar view of the NZ temple) - so off we took the laptop, 5) It's okay to cry. We tried to be staunch but we shed some tears - but left the hearty tears for after - well I did... my mate was emotional throughout - so have tissues on hand. Keep the pace up so let the tears roll - but keep going.... The tip is not to dwell on how sad you are - because they are going to have some emotional reaction to seeing you.... so we need to keep them up them and not for one minute think they better come home because their parents have 'lost it!' 6) Be prepared for the ulimate downer after your skype/call.... or being on a high. After the first boy - I didn't want to be home alone, so we went to some friends and spent the evening with them and their children, laughter, even dancing filled me up and I was ready for the next day! 7) Thank Heavenly for technology that connects us with our children. For those of us with children thousands of miles away - skype is a Godsend!

So - there you have it - one hour, sixty little minutes (or even less for some missions) isn't long but it enough time to let your children know you miss them heaps and love them more, so no matter what happens to the power, the quality of the picture - they know!!

Mxo

First 100 days

Dear Journal

Today my sons have been gone for 100 days. This exceeds the longest time we have been apart by 93 days ;-) I had planned to have a big extravagant party for my family and friends, first, to thank many of them for supporting me when I first started on this journey, and for caring for me along the way, and secondly, because I thought it would have been an awesome occasion to celebrate. Instead, I am probably going to spend the day in my pjs keeping a low profile and having a party for one.... which is fine because all day, nearly every day I think about my sons, and I feel close to them... somehow.

Anyway, I thought that I will put together what I have learnt in my first hundred days....

NOT EVERYONE 'GETS' IT

When I first started telling people (including a couple of my own immediate family) of this 100 day event - the reaction was surprising.... and one of the main reasons the party didn't go ahead.... The lesson I learnt from this is that not everyone is going to 'get' what it is like to be a missionary mama - UNTIL - the day they become one. I can't explain what it is like to be a mother, let alone a mother of children on the other side of the world... So it took me 100 days (I'm a slow learner ;-)) to realise that not even family 'get' it and that's okay. I have friends that do....

WHERE'S THE MONEY AT?

No one talks about it much - but having more than one missionary serving at a time is financially challenging. I currently work two jobs and yet it doesn't seem like enough. As a shopaholic by self-diagnosis - I don't go shopping at all anymore - not even for groceries unless absolutely necessary because I am afraid that there will be no money left for the boys. I was talking to Mr M the other day and said to him that I should have asked for clarification around my wedding vows for richer and for poorer - and asked - "poorer than what?" ;-) What I have learnt from this in 100 days is that - the blessings of being a missionary mama include money being available - always the exact amount from thin air - literally physically impossible - but always arriving exactly when it is needed - EVERY TIME - true story.

 

TENDER MERCIES

I am sure my life is littered with tender mercies - but I never knew.... well in these last 100 days - I know there are many that happen that I know about, and some I will never know learn of. Tender mercies include my previous example of money being given randomly that has just been enough to cover a shortfall, or the fact that our twin sons got to spend moments with each other at the MTC, or kind missionary mamas - closer to my sons, providing them with beanies, scarves - and much needed insect repellent. Tender mercies included his missionary mama, making contact with my son's companion's mother by fluke.... these things aren't coincidences - because this gospel is not one of co-incidences....“I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of his tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them….The Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ….Faithfulness, obedience and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord’s timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings….I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us….Each of us can have eyes to see clearly and ears to hear distinctly the tender mercies of the Lord as they strengthen and assist us in these latter days"  Elder David A Bednar

 

WE HAVE RAISED GOOD MEN

When the children were born, there were complications which saw them being taken to intensive care without me seeing them. Instead when I came through general anaesthesia, I was shown two photos of my baby boys. Not knowing that I was having sons, when I was told, and the photos were brought to my eyes, I kissed each photo and vowed right then and there that I would do everything I could to raise stripling warriors.... and it turns out, and I have learnt in the last 100 days that I have raised wonderful good men - true stripling warriors. Their testimonies and experiences they are having and sharing are indescribable - they strengthen me, and I am blessed for it.

 

WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A MISSIONARY

I have two favourite quotes from my missionary son serving in the Santo Domingo West Mission that have taught me so much - one of which is about what it is like to be a missionary... "know that I'm on a mission so I'm going to be busy, I'm going to get sick, I may get hurt, I already have got lost before and many other things you wouldn't [want] to happen to me, but that's a mission". Aren't our missionaries awesome!!

 

MY TESTIMONY IS STRENGTHENED

Another gem of a quote from my son has strengthened my own testimony - "I'm a little sick.. which sucks but I don't care. I always tell myself whenever I feel bad, I'm in the DR. I wanted to come here so may as well make the most of it, btw, [I finished] Jesus the Christ finally! That's right all of it. My favourite quote I think it was in there: "you can destroy this body, but my spirit is indestructible" My spirit will keep growing. I grow closer to God than ever before, I learn more about His gospel. I will serve Him more. I will testify of Him more. I will become more like Him. So I'm [not] stressing about what can happen to this body of mine here, because my spirit will keep growing forever and ever and ever" - I know that's my 18 year old son there!! ;-) I love my missionary sons!!

 

So as the close of day 100 approaches - it may not have been celebrated like the way I had wanted - it is another day for me to reflect on my sons and the lives they are leading.... and I look forward to the next 100 days and the lessons that I will learn from them.... and who knows - I may get my party one of these 100 days ;-)!!

 

Happy 100 days - and only 630 days, 90 weeks and 21 Fast Sundays until I wrap them in my arms for a time before they head off into the next part of their lives....

 

Mxo

 

The 'H' word

Dear journal

I cannot go to bed tonight without sharing a wonderful experience with you.... but to start off - let me start from the beginning.

I have blogged about my involvement in a few groups that are shared with other women going through the same things that I am - regardless of where we live - we have one thing in common - our children are serving missions.... In fact, according to the latest church statistics - there are 83000+ missionaries currently serving in 405 missions!! Logic then dictates there are 83000 mothers out there that think a lot like I do.... isn't that amazing??

 

We aren't exactly the same - my own family will tell you that I am my own kind of crazy:-) But we love our children and we pray for them, and worry over them from day 1 through to finish day, from the day we drop them off - to the day we run into their arms at airports, and other meeting places at the end of their service.....

 

And in between that we have high highs, frustrations, hurts, heaps of tears, lows, joys, and every other conceivable emotions.... and even though these are shared emotions they are felt so differently as parents at home and as missionaries somewhere else completely.... The emotional connection and physical affection has to be expressed in other ways and it is hard.....

 

One of the things that I am finding as a mother, is trying to support my sons while they are so far away.... especially combatting the 'H' word - homesickness. I miss my sons, and sometimes forget that they actually miss home sometimes as well. My sons have both felt, on occasion and to different people said the same thing about home - and it makes me worry a little. It's not that I don't have faith - because that is just not true. If I didn't have faith that my sons are in the Lord's hands - distance would mean nothing and I would move heaven and heaps of overdraft accounts to get there ;-).... Instead, I have a shared mother's worry that her children are alright - thoughts and feelings that sit in the back of my head and occupies my thoughts and conversations now and then.... All of which are my prerogative as a mother ;-) well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it....

 

In these other MMs forums that I am in, homesickness is talked about often and every time someone brings up the "H" word - the responses come thick and fast, all educational, informative and inspirational. I observe and am learning as we go along.  this is one of my strongest weapons to understand and treat the 'H' word. Found in the words and experiences of other missionary mums -  I observe, I listen, and I learn.... love being a missionary mother!!

 

These mothers who I am sharing this journey with are amazing and are a force to be reckoned with. I have had mothers who I have never known or know very little - but love eternally - who have supported my sons while they were in the Provo MTC. I have had mothers in an email group I am apart of - tell me exactly what it is like in the areas where my sons serve, giving advice on the food, sickness, and mosquito nets!

 

What can I do as a mother sooooo far away? My biggest defence weapon against the 'H' word and others like it is Mr M. Mr reminds me about what it is like out there on a mission and then he supports the boys through emails and letters. He gives them practical advice and anecdotes that they use. They turn to him and ask him questions and it has been beautiful to watch - this bond between father and sons..... so I don't worry too much.

 

In addition to that, my sons are in every prayer that we offer up. It's very simple but every thing helps. Our prayers are specific to each missionary son, and we ponder what we are going to be saying and tailor our focus to their needs.... Going to the temple and putting their names on the prayer roll can never be underestimated. My son, wrote once, that he knew he received something positive in his week because his parents were praying for him....

One thing we have found, especially with the boys being in a foreign land - their want for more family photos have been a popular requests.... So I send photos of our family all the time, quirky and different and in every letter... Along with those are NZ memorabilia - the latest request -something with the Hobbit on it ;-)  I even sent them with a Vision Board so they can always see it....

Now, back to my story..... today a tender mercy was extended to me and one of my missionary boys today. My son is working hard and having some beautiful experiences, and loves the members.... Recently, he has been feeling a little down, after having lost some good friends during a transfer. He is going through this emotional time, on top of having no power and intermittent use of water for weeks, and finding little relief from the heat, trying hard to learn a language he so desperately wants to learn and with a training companion who is exact in all things. Is he worried? Definitely not - he ended his letter saying that things are hot and God is good!!..

 

Well, tonight a sweet MM, emailed me and let me know that she made contact with an old YSA friend in the Dominican Republic who happens to be in my son's ward.... and today at church - and she passed my only message to him - "your mother loves you!"

 

Little did my MM friend (we have never met!) know that the message was given to the very son who has been a bit sad to lose his friends in a transfer and feeling the H word a little.....I cried when she emailed me and I thanked her so much for the sweet message would have made my son's day. He would have gone to bed tonight knowing, hearing for himself that his mother all of 8,350 miles away from him - loves him dearly....

 

The MM force is one to be reckoned with, and I know it is only a matter of time that combined, like my son, all 83000+ missionaries will know they are loved by people at home because everyone is doing their bit where they can - in front of them, one step at a time and slowly the 'H' word can be treated quickly because we are all MMs!!

 

I love being a missionary mama...

 

Mxo

 

 

Patience is a Virtue

Dear Journal

Recently, I wrote about my son missing his PDay email. It was a source of spiritual inspiration and I felt very blessed indeed, especially when, on the next day I received not one but three email responses from him after he had read all of my emails. I am not sure what he was feeling - but he did ask me to explain how his Zone Leaders were contacted and a message was conveyed instructing him to write home to his mother. This was his last set of instructions, and they repeated twice throughout the emails so I know he will be waiting to hear the answer.....

Now you see why I have called this blog Patience is a virtue, because I have been told on numerous occasions - especially by more experienced missionary mothers, and the ultimate return missionary incarnate - Mr M - that missionaries are busy and sometimes just can't get around to writing....

I was so amazed to see mothers in my own missionary mamas group who have suffered through weeks with no email and have demonstrated the fortitude of warriors, never flinching, and just waiting until they did. Every time, their missionary explained why they hadn't made contact and all is good amongst the people.....

 

I know this, I have the faith that they are safe. It is just I so desperately count on hearing from my missionaries - that this one slip was a problem for me....

 

It turned out that week I also got a letter in the mail! That made me feel even worse - that I didn't have the patience to wait for my son to make contact.... ;-( On top of that a missionary mother with a son serving in the same area as my son sent me photos - which were the first photos we had seen since he had left MTC! Heavenly Father answered my prayers - but I so caught up in starting this international search party, that I wasn't patient ENOUGH or for long ENOUGH.... and my son found out...
 

Bless my boy's heart, what has really strengthened my resolve to hold the line and practice patience if a PDay email was ever missed again was my email from my baby - I tell you it was another 'out of the mouths of babes' moments for this missionary mama.
 

"If I don’t email one week then you need to pray and wait, you can’t just skip to the end and say I’m in hospital because truth is I probably will be teaching someone... I will find time some where in my week to email -  you just need to [pray and] trust me. Other than that know that I’m on a mission so I’m going to be busy, I’m going to get sick, I may get hurt, I already have got lost before and many other things you wouldn’t want to happen to me but that’s a mission."

 

 

 

Got it son- and from this I will forever and practice patience, pray and wait some more!!

 

Well, I will try my hardest son & that is all I can do ;-)

 

Until the next time,

A repentant Missionary mama xx

Don't Mess with a Missionary Mama!!

My husband found out again - that this missionary mama is not to be messed with - especially when it comes to PDays... those days are like manna from heaven and I will cross burning coals and would even run (you have to see me to know that I don't run!!) to anywhere to get my son's emails....

So today, it is PDay in the Dominican Republic. The boys both email me, one is to a group and then one directly to me and my husband with his brother in it - this is our family circle email. It keeps everyone in touch with each other.... My other son - just sends a group email - two of them and there is none his mother....

Their father (husband of 23 years) calls me at work some time later and he is all chirpy and I said - "the boys emails were short today" and then he proceeds to tell me that he had been online and had little chats with them!! Apparently all three of my significant others (1 husband and 2 missionaries) - had been emailing each other and no one thought to press REPLY ALL (including their father) - so their mother missed out... I was not impressed!!

After asking what they said, their father casually replies "just little bits - nothing major!" By this time smoke is coming out of my ears, but their father finally, as requested a few times - forwards me their emails and what d'ya know - there are messages: Mum, can you get me this, Mum can you do this, and I look at the recipients - and there is no mum in there!! I could not believe it.

So I have emailed all three of them to instruct them to reconnect their fingers to the REPLY ALL button... and not happy.... with their father in particular.

I had been feeling a bit funny last week (self diagnosed it as a bit of a funk) - and I remembering saying to Mr, "I hope the boys are okay" - because I just felt 'off'. He would brush it off and say "of course they are okay.... etc" getting frustrated that I somehow didn't have faith anymore.... What he didn't realise is that it was a mother's intuition on high alert - because as it turns out - one of my sons has had a challenging week and is becoming frustrated with the language - trying to work with a new companion, new country, and appointments falling through, and it all coincides with how I was feeling last week.... and I know if I had being included in their emails earlier - I may have been able to reassure them, or help somehow....

Anyway, I am hoping that the REPLY ALL lesson remains with Mr and his sons for the next 96 weeks.

Don't mess with a missionary mama on PDay....!

Let's see how we go next week ;-)

Mxo

25 Words!!

Dear Journal,

Our High Councilman spoke yesterday in church and I knew that I was going to write and talk about it.... He retold a story as told by President Monson in a general conference in 2008, and later by the General Primary President in 2013 - about Jay Hess, an airman who was captured and imprisoned during the Vietnam war. Our High Councilman must have been touched by what he read, as he researched further and was able to provide some other detail which made the story even more amazing!! For two years, the family of Brother Hess did not know if he was alive, missing or worse - dead. When Hess was moved to another prisoner of war camp, not only had the conditions improved, and the food was better - he was eventually allowed to write one letter. It was to be no more than 25 words.

 

Brother Hess thought about what he would say that would let his family recognise it was his him (writing), and also provide counsel to his children. This is what he wrote: "“These things are important: temple marriage, mission, college. Press on, set goals, write history, take pictures twice a year.”

President Monson went on to ask us all what we would write, and what legacy would we leave behind and encouraged us to "relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. One day each of us will run out of tomorrows."

 

So, tonight I wrote to my boys and told them about this story and I shared with them my 25 words to them at this time: "I love you. Return with honour. Become educated. Work hard. Marry someone you see raising your children. Stay spiritually strong. Pray always. Love my moko (grandchildren)…"

 

I don't know what they will think of that - but I know they will know it was from their mother who loves them so very very very much....

 

What would be your message to your missionary(s)??

 

Until next time.

 

Mxo 

Myth Busters

Dear Missionary Mama

This blog makes me smile. As I am writing it, I am thinking about my sons and the emails we have been sharing about these myths we were told about, and how we have busted them!! It doesn't make me angry or hurt, instead - just smile and know it is going to be something that we will talk about when they are finished - and have a laugh...

You see before the boys left for their mission and while at the MTC - I came across some information - all corroborated by other missionaries and/ or my favourite group of people in the world - missionary mothers. So practically it was 'gospel'....... yet now we (the Turketo3) call them myths - hence the smiles.....

MISSIONARY MYTH 1: The Room

We were told while the boys were preparing for their mission, and for some reason, and I do not know why - at the Provo MTC, New Zealand (NZ) is seen as a 3rd world country. This means that the missionaries from NZ join other missionaries from other poor? countries and are taken to this room where they can pick and choose from the items in there and have them - for free! We had heard missionaries picking up suits, bags, shirts, and so on. My niece who went to the Provo MTC - talked of this room....

With this information, and because the boys are serving in a HOT country, and Provo at the time was in the middle of WINTER, we decided that the boys would be able to pick up some warm clothes from the ROOM.

So my sons get called to this room - and the myth is busted! Instead of this massive room (waaaaay smaller than in our imaginations!) and having free range of items - the boys reported that they are met by people who went through their missionary checklist looking for gaps - so the missionary that got a new suit - probably required more suits, hence a suit was picked up.... However, since my sons arrived at MTC with ticks  next to every mission specific/required items, they didn't get much from the room.... but they got what they needed.

My son wrote back and told me that the room is actually made up of lost and found items left by the thousands of missionaries that move through the MTC. It is also made up of clothes - which my son did himself - donated by missionaries that aren't going to be using them. So the warm clothes that one of my sons picked up from other missionaries and from parcels - critical in Provo - but unnecessary in the Caribbean were donated. Other kind saints are also donating. My son, got his warm coat from a missionary who left before him. Myth Busted ;-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 2: The ATM Card
The myth:I read somewhere that missionaries in the MTC get a card like an ATM card that had money on it for things that a missionary would need. Again, based on this information, and embellished by my imagination - I ask the boys about this card... and I relax a little thinking that they are getting money every week to get things that they need - although in the MTC - they don't need much!! I'm thinking - if they want to get something from the bookstore, or they want to get some nice paper to write home to their mother (another dream!!) - this card would have some money on it.

In one of the last emails from the MTC, and I am sure he was wearing a big smile as he was writing, my son tells me - Mum - it wasn't like an ATM card with money on it - it was like a swipey card that has $5 on it - for their laundry. Myth Busted :-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 3: The Airport Call

Now, I am a fan of my missionary mothers groups that I am a part of. Some of the women in there are up to their 4th missionary - so again what they say is 'gospel'. The posts of interests were the ones about missionaries calling home from the airport before leaving or during lay overs. My sons and I planned for these little calls - they have phone cards and one has almost $15 worth of quarters ;-) They are prepared...... I wait and wait and wait........ I even find myself stalking airflights! ;-) What I notice is that when they arrive at the JFK airport in New York (they have never been there before) they have 1 hour to make a connecting flight at another terminal that they have never been too - and I know that checking out and in takes time!! Because of all these little things - I fell into the group of MM who didn't get one phone call. Myth Busted :-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 4: The Mission Home
The myth: I had been reading other missionary mothers posting about how they received on the same day as arrival or soon after a letter from their missionary's Mission President (with a photo), some missionaries were even passed a phone to call home to let their parents know they had arrived safely. So you can see where this is going right..... yes I wait all day and night - and nothing! I think every mission is different so another Myth Busted ;-)

And after all is said and done, even with these little things shattered and not bearing up well to my imagination, expectations and anticipation - I know without a doubt that my sons are in God's hands. Even without knowing by phone call that they had arrived - I know in my heart they did and they are well. I know they are excited and looking forward to working hard and although alittle nervous - they will be like sponges taking in every new experience, sight, sound, and smells of their new home! This belief I have, and this peace I feel inside - is not a myth and will never be busted!

Until the next time,

Take care,

Mxo

Letting Go - Day 42+

Dear Mamas Journal

I look back at my entry that I wrote the first week the boys left home for their missions and I cannot believe I have come this far. Honestly, when the boys left - I felt like my heart was broken, that there was no light, and the grief was overwhelming - and the crying. I had never cried that much EVER before - and was surprised that my eyes could come up with so much water ;-)

 

I have grieved before - when my mother passed away - so I recognised how I felt as grief for the loss of a child - not to death - but to adulthood, not to anything terrible - but to something amazing - but grief all the same. I realised pretty early on - that my sons went away as my babies - and when they come back - they will be grown up men, my role as mother shifted to being an advisor when asked ;-) and let's not even talk about the shift once he gets a wife ;-)

 

So what does it look like - 6 weeks later.... well, for starters I can write this without shedding a tear - and that's progress!

 

Keeping busy - Organising letters and parcels once a week. Thinking of new ideas or quirky happy ways to collect messages and images has been a fun distraction and I have enjoyed it. Check our my post on parcels and letters - so you can see what I've been up to. I also keep a book that I write a sentence a day and collect an image for the day - so that keeps my creative mind busy... Mr and I also have started a book called "How have I seen the hand of the Lord in our Missionary's lives?" Keep busy otherwise your mind will start counting how many days you have to go!!

 

Talking to the Mr - This has been the first time that Mr and I have been together alone since we were dating almost 26 years ago this week actually ;-) When we got married, we lived with my solo mother so we had our own space but we were always together with my mother and sometimes my siblings - and now, its just me and him - and I am loving it... It has been different, interesting and kinda nice ;-)

 

Having fun - Mr and I are trying to do things that we haven't been able to do - and go places that we may not have gone before and we are enjoying it. We are having fun, and for oldies like us - that's something right? We are finding that it is cheaper with just the two of us - so we can go places that we may not have gone before with the children. Recently we have been to a Rugby 7s tournament, and a Rugby League 9's tournament and just the other day we took the day off work to take a visiting cousin to Taupo and Rotorua then Raglan in a day - because - we could! We had an action packed awesome day.

PDays - The MTC has been an amazing experience for the boys and I guess what helps is the power of their testimonies that come through weekly emails and the photos - now those photos made me like a cry baby every time! The first couple of PDays - I was overwhelmed to the point that I didn't go to work. I would have been no good to anyone - crying away at my desk looking at photos and answering emails!! Gradually I made it to work on a  couple of PDays - and cried at my desk but still was there and then the last two PDays - I have been fine....I have learnt for myself the power of the PDay and the emails that you get from your missionary. It's like being addicted to your email inbox, and wherever you are -  you wait, and wait, and wait.... sometimes you are lucky enough to get a photo - but those emails are precious!! I have never heard my sons tell me they love me so much until now. I have watched them connect with their father and ask his advice about companionships - which has been beautiful to see develop. I have read their testimonies and spiritual experiences and honestly - it is what keeps me going. How could I be sad, and want my sons home - when they were happy, learning, serving, and excited.... my feelings becomes less important -and my focus on their happiness becomes more important!!

Counting - I remember waiting for the sun to come up so I could tick off another day! And the days just dragged on and on and were not moving fast enough. When I stopped counting - and this didn't happen until week 4/5 - the days have just been peeling away! I keep three counters and they all keep ticking over regardless which has been awesome. I mean, here I am in week 6, when I thought, honestly it felt like I was going to die of a broken heart in week 1.

Cry - Don't get me wrong - I haven't stopped crying. I just cry for different things now. Before it was about how sad I was and now - it's more about what I am reading and witnessing in my sons. Their testimonies are amazing!! Their experiences are life-changing. They miss home, they miss me and their father - and hearing that makes me cry. What I have found though is that when I am reading their emails - I tend to get emotional.... because I can hear in their words this powerful testimony, and this love they have of the gospel, but more especially their relationship with Heavenly Father and their Saviour Jesus Christ. I call them my golden tears ;-) I cry more now because I feel what they are saying and love them more everyday.

Support - I have had amazing support - both in person or otherwise. I have joined a Missionary Mommas page on facebook which had hundreds in it when I joined last October and now there is over a thousand members. That amount of missionary mothers is best support system you can have because there is bound to be someone, either here or abroad that has had the exact or similar experience to you. I have non-member and member friends who have been so supportive. I got a blessing from one of my missionarys (their father got one from the other twin) and he mentioned on a number of occasions - to "bless mum to know that she is loved and supported". One day I was crying all the way to work - and feeling that there was no way I was going to get through it!! I walk into my building and there is a dear friend who is waiting to talk with me - so we chat away and then she tells me she may have some tickets to a Rugby League 9s tournament! Out of the blue.... it turned out her tickets were available and she sent them to Mr and I - encouraging us to make new happy memories. I cried again - only this time it was for the love of a friend - not a member of my faith - and still was the answer to my missionary's blessing. I shared this with her and she, in closing says to me - "God bless you!!" (How amazing are my friends!! ;-)

Back to the Basics - When it comes down to it - our missionaries are serving the Lord - so I need to get myself into that frame of mind - and do this by getting back to the basics - reading the scriptures (which Mr and I are trying to do in Spanish ;-)), saying our prayers and fasting. It's a formula my mother gave for every challenge faced - and it always works!

My top tip has got to be not to think too far ahead. I couldn't do this if I concentrated on two years so rather go from PDay to PDay or by weeks and it is working for me!

Until the next time,

Mxo

Parcels & letters

There has been a lot of chatter on an facebook group I am a part of  (made up of missionary mothers only - can you imagine that?? I love it!!) - regarding parcels and letters. In fact before the boys had even been set apart I was taking all this information in and was better prepared for it. So this is what I have done over the last 6 weeks that the boys have been gone...

1. Old School is still the best

Regardless of what anyone says - a handwritten letter is the best! It is normal practice to email, and through places like DearElder.com you can send an email, which will get printed and put into an envelope and delivered and if blessed enough to be in the Provo MTC- it can be delivered free! We have done this, as well as sent care packages through DearElder.com - but when we recieved our own envelope of hand written letters - we were alittle - well, make that I was overwhelmed  - I cried! When the boys settle in the Dominican Republic I am going to hand write to them at least each fortnight!

 

2. Out with the Old and in with the Old ??

When I was a teenager and granted it was some decades ago - without the internet - we used to use old magazine pictures and write letters on the other side of them - and fold them in a way that they also served as an envelope. Well 30 years later, guess what I did for my missionaries - picked pages from magazines and wrote on them and turned them into envelopes. My niece is also a missionary - so I have to admit finding funky images for her was much easier - but for them I have even turned tv, appliances and furniture adverts into writing paper. The boys have loved receiving these  - every one!! So try it - look through the latest magazine and let your imagination take over ;-) If there was too much writing, then I found some scrapbooking paper and covered it up and wrote on that. The little superhero photo was a furniture advert in a house magazine, with a piece of scrapbook paper at the bottom to cover up the details.

3. Creative messages

I have heard that photos or images are worth a thousand words - so what happens if you combine them both? I have done this a few times - the first was at a beach activity. I painted an old framed picture (picked it up from a 2nd hand store) with blackboard paint and had friends and people my missionaries knew, write messages to the boys then photographed them holding their message.  After I had a handful - I made a collage - each one different - and sent them over inside a parcel. They were so surprised!! One of my boys loved it so much - saying it was an answer to his prayers - and he had planned to ask me to send him some photos of friends and family. It buoyed him up - especially when he was at the MTC in the snow - having left us and summer behind just a few weeks earlier. Be creative with your messages - short is good enough and remember - just because they are on a mission - doesn't mean they don't need to have a little giggle or laugh and see people from home!

4. Pictures are worth a thousand words

Recently Mr and I went with our friends to Wellington, NZ - about a 6 hour drive from where we live. While we were there we went to an international Rugby 7s competition. It has got a reputation of people dressing up in costumes (and other things) - and so I approached people to hold a handmade sign on the back of a paper bag saying 'HOLA'. I again put that together as a collage on one side of an A4 sized card and on the cover - I put a message and photos of Mr and I telling our sons how much we loved them!! 

5. Parcels and letters are not cheap
I sent a parcel to the MTC a week before the boys got there so when they did - they had a parcel waiting for them or arrived soon after landing. It made their day! It cost more to send it than what was in it!! I made a pact that I would send them a parcel every week - and yes it cost hundreds of dollars - but I needed to do that for me! I didn't want them to want for anything - turns out - they wanted (well one son in particular) more than what I sent and he will live without it!! But parcels are not cheap. Now the boys are moving to the Dominican Republic and parcels take 6-8 weeks to arrive IF AT ALL!! I need to be a little more organised and will be utitlising DearElder.com who will print emails and put them in envelopes and mail once a week -and also do something called a pouch - which is alittle bigger than a letter (photos can be added) with a small charge and this is done once a week as well. So I will be utilising all of these options as well as regular mailing. As it is expensive - think about sharing parcels and letters amongst your family and friends!

6. Be careful
I have heard of stories where missionaries never receive their parent's parcels -  I am prepared for this, hence using DearElder.com. but will let you know if that works!! However, this is not what you need to be careful of - as I found out. There are rules about the things that you can send which I found out the hard way.. My sons needed some insect repellent - so thinking they would be able to shop on their PDay - we planned for them to purchase this in the States. Little did  we know that they were unable to go shopping AT ALL while in the MTC - so ended up with no insect repellent. Big problem!! It is a requirement for them to take it as Denghi fever and Malaria  and other insect carried diseases are big health concerns in the DR..... so I thought I would mail them some insect repellent - WRONG MOVE. Unbeknown to me until it was dropped off - a couple of my parcels had been stopped, opened, re-taped and then sent on to the boys - with the insect repellent sent back to me as dangerous and hazardous!! The drama and a lesson for me!! So be careful with what you send - although I declared it - it came back and my sons never got their parcel for that week....

7. Use every surface

Missionary mothers (MMs) are an amazing group of people and some of the things that are getting sent to missionaries is amazing - so that my babies didn't miss out I adapted it and did my own thing - but based on the same premise of filling every empty space on the parcel with love. Some mothers filled the insides of the parcel flaps with pictures of sunshines, other attached themed pictures like hearts on valentines day, flowers, you name it - it's been done!! I have stuck photos on mine so that the first thing my son will see when he opens his parcel beside the goodies inside is a reminder of the people who love him dearly!! Other times I have written messages and encouragement for him so that his eyes are full of things that I want him to know. Basically, I use every surface to let him know that he is loved and never ever alone!!

8. Guidelines on what not to do

There is this awesome article about what to do and what not to do when writing to a missionary that I thought was great. It is an older article but it is still a very good read. However, I think the most important thing to note is to use what you think is best for your child.... For example, after reading this article - Mr and I decided that we wouldn't tell the boys how much we missed them - so we wrote emails back and forward - never telling them that. They would tell us how much they missed us - but we told them we loved them but never concentrated on the "missing" bit - and remember I thought I was dying of heartache and grief - so it was difficult for me NOT to let them  how I was feeling. Then one day, I read a post by another MM who had a son return home and she said that her first two children - she never told them that she missed them but the younger two she did (without ever dwelling on it! - and that's the key).  She said - that it made a difference - the younger two appreciated knowing that they were missed - whereas the older two often wondered if they were missed, and never felt like they were - what a powerful lesson for me.... So since then, and in the last few weeks we tell them that we miss them and love them more.... Which has worked because one of our boys has been a bit homesick and to know that his mother and father actually missed him heaps - helped him - he knew he was not alone - EVER!! Check the article out - http://www.lds.org/new-era/2007/03/missionary-mail?lang=eng

I hope you have found something helpful in this entry!! I will let you know how I go sending things into the Dominican Republic - starting next week. I plan to send a peanut butter care package through DearElder.com - which according to them is one of the top request from missionaries serving internationally - peanut butter? Who would have thought that...

Until the next time,

Mxo
 

The MTC

Dear Journal (I must find you a name!!)

40 strong international cohort of
missionaries from everywhere except the
USA. All arrived Monday night - the USA
missionaries arrived on Wed.

To be honest I didn't really know know what happens at the Missionary Training Centre (MTC). I mean Mr tells me what he remembers, but when your 'intel' is almost 25 years old - you have to wonder ;-) In one of my son's email, he said it was hard work, and trying to learn how to teach the gospel in ENGLISH is fine - but to do it in Spanish is proving to be a tad more complicated. Both boys are loving it though!! and even though not so keen on their companions YET, I'm sure as a twin they will be able to navigate having someone in their back pocket 24/7.  Mr, bless his heart reminds me every time I worry that the spirit will actually do the teaching which makes sense - so I'm not too worried!

 

As you do, I found to help was this webpage called "What to Expect at the Missionary Training Centre: Everything You Need To Know About Your Stay at the MTC" by Rachel Bruner at http://lds.about.com/od/programs3foldmission/tp/missionary_training_center.htm It is written to inform a pre-missionary of what to expect but I found it really helpful trying to understand what my boys are up to at the moment.....

 

Here are some things I was grateful to read - thank you Rachel!!:

 

The power dot and entering into the MTC

My son emailed me about this dot - so it was great to read. "When [your missionary] check[s] in at the MTC [they] will be given a "power dot" (bright red/orange sticker aka "dork dot") to identify [them] as a new MTC missionary. Wearing this sticker allows MTC volunteers, employees, and the other missionaries  to help, such as carrying heavy luggage to dorm rooms - [and] who doesn't want help with that? The MTC is huge, with 1000’s of missionaries and many buildings, so [ensure your missionary doesn't] feel ashamed to ask for help if [they] get a bit confused.

After an orientation with the MTC president will process some of [your missionary's] paperwork, receive any additional immunizations, and receive a packet of information that will include [his/her] assigned companion, dorm room, district, branch, teachers, classes, preparation day, mailbox, and debit card."

 

Companions, Districts and Branches

 "One of the basic rules for all missions, including time at the Missionary Training Center, is to always remain with your assigned companion. The "missionary conduct" rules also tells MTC missionaries to "cultivate your companionship by sitting together in all meetings and at all meals." You will share a dorm room with your companion and probably two or more other missionaries who may, or may not, be in your district which usually consists of 12 missionaries.

The district works under a branch and each branch attends regular sacrament meeting services together on Sundays." One of the boys tried to explain how it works - and I got confused but it sounds all organised and sees young men in leadership roles in just a matter of weeks which suits me! This photo is of their first temporary companions before being separated, and the boys going to their permanent Spanish speaking quarters. They bonded quickly with Elder Tangi and Elder Dixon, and can imagine their reunion in 2 years time when they finish at the same time!

Lessons, Learning, and Languages
The majority of the time at the MTC will be spent in classes with your district. Each day (except for Sundays and P-Days)  will have three classes, each with a different teacher. During class time [a missionary] will learn how to study the scriptures, preach the gospel and proselytise. For those learning another language, classes last for (almost 7 weeks), in which missionaries will learn [their] new language as well as how to preach the gospel in that language. This missionary manual of study is Preach My Gospel. This is Elder Aisake Turketo's district. Not sure how many cameras are doing the photographing ;-)
 

Food

"Food at the Missionary Training Center is excellent! The cafeteria has an assortment of tasty dishes to choose from for each meal. Since there are thousands of missionaries at the MTC [your missionary] will often have to wait in a long line before you get your food....One common practice among MTC missionaries while waiting in line is to practice being a missionary, such as inviting people to hear your message, as well as practicing [their] new language."

 

One of the boys mentioned this in his first email - so the food has gotta be good!!

 

Money, Mail, & Missionary Materials

Missionaries "receive a missionary access card which is basically the MTC's debit card. Each week a specific amount of funds will be deposited into your account which you will use for laundry, meals, and at the MTC bookstore. The MTC bookstore stocks the basic missionary supplies, such as books, pamphlets, scriptures, scriptures cases, backpacks, laundry detergent, and a large variety of other missionary related materials and goodies.

There is a post office at the MTC and each missionary is assigned their own mailbox- which address is among the papers you receive when you first arrive at the Missionary Training Center."

 

Preparation-Day at the MTC

"Preparation-day, called P-Day, is one day set aside during your mission (including your time at the MTC) to take care of personal needs, such as laundry, cleaning, haircuts, write home, do service, and exercise. Missionaries at the MTC are also supposed to attend the Provo Temple on their p-day.

Missionaries are assigned specific duties as part of their p-day service, which might include things like cleaning bathrooms, dorm buildings, the grounds, and other buildings.

Missionaries will have time to get some fun exercise with activities such as volleyball, basketball, and jogging. P-day ends at the beginning of the dinner hour."

 

I got emails and photos from my boys this week on their P-Day, one of which is on Sunday (NZT) and the other Wednesday (NZT) which have now become my favourite days of the week!! They both got to go to the temple and are absolutely loving it!! I love P-Days!! They both gave me a shopping list - so off to do some shopping tommorow. I still get to be a mum and nothing makes me happier!!

 

So there you have it - some tidbits about what goes on at the MTC. Thank you Rachel Bruner for sharing with this MM.

See you next week,
 

Mxo