Eureka!!

Dear Journal

When I started on this journey of being a missionary mama - I was totally not ready for the experience. Even after years of observation and 18 years of preparation - I was still totally ill-prepared!

You see, when I would observe missionaries going out, I would look at the mums and imagine what they were feeling. Naturally, feelings of being proud, and grateful and all these other happy, happy feelings came to mind.... Then over the last few years - as my boys were getting closer to being eligible, I would listen to missionary mothers, and it was then that I started to hear about the emotional side of being a missionary mama - the "can't wait for them to come home", or in response to a remark that time had flown by they would say "not for me it hasn't".... And then just before/ or soon after my sons got their call - I spoke to one mother who told me about Satan and his designs for our kids and I was horrified that someone would not want the best for my sons!! (http://amissionarymum.blogspot.co.nz/2014/01/battle-of-wills.html) I also learnt about this absolute pain that was experienced when saying goodbye/ letting go of a missionary..... The what?? I thought that sending your children on missions, planned since their births was a joyful ocassion -  but painful....??( http://amissionarymum.blogspot.co.nz/2013/11/the-best-kept-secrets-of-preparing.html )

 

I have spent months thinking about the reasons why I didn't know how hard this was going to be?  This is where I had an EUREKA moment!!

The possible answers: missionary story weary, or missionary experiences fatigue, or missionary apathy. Let me explain.

Missionary story weary

I have to admit, I have suffered this for many years, especially when Mr starts re-telling his 23+ year old missionary stories. A little switch turns my brain off and I don't hear him anymore. I mean, I love the man, but given the fact I was with him during the time (I waited for him) - I get a bit weary of hearing the stories again.... Sometimes as missionary mamas we think that others around us have the same switches and they are getting turned off every time we talk....  As a result missionary mums and dads just stop talking and sharing.

If you are one of these missionary mamas who has stopped sharing - always remember that someONE needs your missionary story today. Never stop sharing - because people genuinely care and want to know how your missionary is doing. Spend time with people who love to hear your stories. I have a handful of people I can go to to talk about my sons' stories - and they never tire of me - well their eyes don't roll back into their eyes when I do :-). Talking about your missionary - keeps them close to you...

Missionary experiences fatigue

Similar to above, missionary experiences fatigue is when missionary mamas are having so many experiences they aren't sharing any, or don't know which ones to share and get overwhelmed and shut down...  Sometimes, it could also be that when someone shares their missionary experience and you have one similar you don't believe that you need to share yours as well, or we don't have any feelings about it either way - and just carry on. Sometimes, we don't tell people because we think they already

know... or they have their own missionary's experiences.... or we are silent because it's too special.... All of these feelings are valid and personal....

If you are one of these missionary mamas - you need to realise that missionary experiences that our children are having are coming from a loving Heavenly Father who has answered prayers, and are directly involved in their lives and guiding them to people who need Him! The most precious things I have to share at the moment are my sons' experiences - and again someONE, including myself every time - has their/my testimony strengthened.

Missionary apathy

These are the missionary mamas who have wonderful experiences but do not choose to share or participate in groups set up for sharing, or those who find sharing not a priority. Sometimes, missionary families can't see what the big deal is about! There are dozens of missionaries where I live that I have no idea how they are. Should I expect to know - absolutely not!! It's a parents perogative, and everyone has their agency.

 

To all missionary mamas,  I believe that you may miss out on the added  blessings of helping someONE else out.... People who genuinely care about your missionary will never turn away news about them - in fact they will thank you for sharing.... Recently I told a group of women a story about my son's and how they are progressing with their lanuguage acquisition. I checked with Mr if I should go ahead with telling it because it is a story I had shared on facebook, and on this blog, and he said yes - because people not in those forums were asking after the boys - so sure enough, after the story - they come and thank me for sharing because they genuinely care....

As a result of weariness, fatigue and apathy, I had no idea how hard it going to be to say good bye, how hard it becomes financially, emotionally and everything else. . And instead of staying in that position, I have plodded along and worked through it! And this is how.....

 

I looked for groups that were open to sharing - and found a group started by missionary mothers in the US. I joined that as soon as the boys got their calls - and immediately got the emotional support, and the validation of my feelings - from a group of women on the other side of the planet. When I joined this group there were hundreds of others on there - now there are thousands! I love missionary mommas.

 

I also started blogging my experience - because there are others out there that need to know,  that as a missionary mother you experience the exquisite sweetness of your children's blooming testimonies, as well as getting a tiny insight into their deepest despairs - and perhaps all in one email ;-).  I've done this because I know there will be at least ONE other who shares the same thoughts as I do.... and I know what a difference it would have meant to me if I had known.

 

I am also a part of an  email group through ourldsfamily.com  group with missionaries in the same area as my children. Today I received photos of my baby boy at his zone conference and outside the Dominican Republic Temple which were a godsend because we have not seen our boy since he left the MTC due to him having camera issues.  This beautiful missionay mother had no idea which was my son, but she knew my name, she had read an email - and she cared enough to send me photos!. These tender mercies come thick and fast as missionary mamas and become the manna on which we feast on and get us through from one PDay to the next.

 

When the boys got their call I started a missionary mamas group on facebook for kiwi (New Zealand) mums to share our experiences. This group has taken a bit longer to get going as it is the nature for kiwis to not 'brag' about their children - but I am working on getting more and more mothers sharing because for me (only about a 1/3 are engaging) that is what keeps me going.... We will never know that something shared may be the answer to your prayer and an answer to your missionary's troubles...It is not for everyone - this sharing and caring attitude - but for me it is critical to being a missionary mama.

All I know is that after our missionaries are out there - that 'raw' pain dulls.... and is replaced with this peace and faith  that our children are okay. I can't explain it - but I am at peace all the time even though my sons have no water, no power, get lost, get drenched, get rejected and all the things I would never have exposed my sons to - I am at peace! I believe as a direct result of our children serving our Heavenly Father, who on reciept of their service, cannot hold back his blessings - and that when our kids are praying for mum and dad back home - we get those blessings in abundance. Those blessings come as comfort and peace and faith and comfort. Who wouldn't want to share this with others starting out on this journey, or having troubles and challenges....

Missionary mamas, join a forum and get sharing.... If you are experiencing missionary fatigue, weariness or apathy - have break and then catch us up! You may find something from other missionary mamas that lift you for the day, make you smile, or remind you that you are normal....If this is a bit of you - please try and set some time aside - once a week, or fortnight, or once a month and share your missionary's progress. You will never know the impact of hearing about your missionary will have on others.....

  

Until the next time,

 

Mxo

M.I.A - Missing in Action!!

Dear Journal

I couldn't go to bed tonight without writing about my experience today.

Yesterday was my missionary boy's PDay. One son, dutifully writes to his mother - not even a family one just his mum/dad/brother email this week. It was lovely, too short for my liking but it had  wonderful experiences he is having - which are so faith promoting - I love reading over and over and over! Anyway - he writes a short email and then just like that pft! - gone until next week. I imagine him blowing out his last breath of the day and gives himself a big tick on his To DO List next to - write to mum otherwise!!

 

On the other hand, my other son usually writes a bit later in the day so I wait, and wait, and wait - and nothing. I call Mr twice just to make sure it isn't just me or a bad connection on my part - but he isn't getting email either.... so I wait until it becomes obvious (my sons are 7 hours ahead of me) I am not going to get an email. I can't explain fully how I feel at this point. I am worried, but I have faith that he is well. I am stressing out, and yet I know that my son is in the Lord's hands - so basically although intellectually and spiritually I know these facts,  I am an emotional wreck!

                                                                                                                                                             

By the time I am ready to go home from work I have reminded myself some key points; 1) my son is okay because the church would have called me straight away, and 2) I know that he's still alive because surely as his mother I would have felt something...... so I come home and I try and get some sleep, checking my inbox throughout the night and early morning to see if something has popped up after having been temporarily delayed?? Nothing.

 

I wake up and decide to stay home from work because ALL I want to do is to get on a plane to the Dominican Republic to see for myself where he is! I struggle to  stop myself from ringing Interpol, the prophet and/or my son's Mission President...... I don't do any of these!! Instead I put out an APB (all points bulletin) to anyone who knows anyone in the Dominican Republic to look for my son!

 

I get in contact with my neighbour's friends in Melbourne, Australia who have local knowledge of the DR and give them the area in which my son is serving. The city or municipal where my son is has a population of 263,861 people. So this couple send out messages to their friends and promise to get back in touch with me.  While I am waiting, I keep myself busy although one eye and my heart really, is looking at the time, knowing that another day is drawing to a close with NO WORD for me from him.

 

Then at 5pm tonight, midnight where my son is living, I get a message from these wonderful people from Melbourne that says "I have news for you. My friend's friends have gotten hold of your sons' zone leaders and they have said your son is ok!" I can't thank my new friends enough for the help that they have given this MM. They have answered mine and my husband's prayers.... I now know that out of the 263,861, my son is ok and I will probably find out tomorrow  through these same channels - why he didn't email me this week..... I already know the rationale behind it will make sense - but it will great to see it written down.

 

By this time, I am emotionally drained, but I make sure to send a thank you email to my new friends in Melbourne, then I sit at my computer and cry - with relief and a grateful heart.

 

Next, I pull down a pillow from the bed, and kneel on it and pray. I sob and cry out in gratitude, and just pure relief. And while I am praying I feel next to me someone getting down beside me to pray. I tell myself it's the cat putting it's weight on the pillow (under my knees) but I can't hear her purring - and whatever it is leaves and then again someone has kneeled down beside me. I dare not open my eyes.... but feel like someone is beside me.... I know my missionary sons are praying for their crazy mummy and I am grateful for this knowledge. I finish my prayer and I am blessed! I stand up and I feel light.

 

I go to bed tonight - knowing that both of my boys are okay... and my baby who went  M.I.A  on God's errand has been found... and this missionary mama can breathe again!!

Mxo

The Gift of Tongues

I have always marvelled at how the Articles of Faith (AoF) were created and how a young man was able to encapsulate the principles of a religion in 13 simple statements. Each one capturing the essence of it's subject and although they build on each other, they have enough content to survive as a stand alone testament to that subject.

 

The one that I am most intrigued by and the most relevant to my life at this time is the 7th article of faith which reads:

 

"We believe in the gift of tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, interpretation of tongues, and so forth" 

 

You see, never in my wildest imagination as a child, having grown up with the AoF - did I think how important it was going to be when I grew up. I believe every word - but I had no idea that it really worked - I had never had any experience with this.... It turns out that my sons who have also learnt these AoF as children are now 'real-life' recipients of them.

 

English didn't come easy to either of the boys, in fact both of them dropped it from their suite of examable subjects in high school as  soon as they could. So to say they have a demand of english is a stretch but it is their native tongue. So it when they recieved their mission calls to serve in a spanish speaking country  - our prayers really started.

 

Once the boys recieved the gift of the Holy Ghost, our prayers always asked for each of us to be worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost. So, it made sense that when they left they were encouraged to rely on the spirit as it was through that they would be able to communicate with anyone. We talked about how the spirit would fill their mouths in time when they were unsure what the word was and how it was the role of the spirit to testify of the truth....

 

THE MTC: For the first six weeks they learnt how to speak Spanish in a controlled environment with tutors who had served in a Spanish speaking mission and lead by people who were from a range of Spanish Speaking countries. They were paired with people who knew just as much as them or less and grouped with others who ranged from beginners to those who had some Spanish on board. The boys wrote home often frustrated that they weren't progressing....: 5 FEB "I'm horrible at Spanish and everytime I feel like that I think I should just go home, but I always know that you two (Mum & Dad) would think I was doing amazing and then I try and be happy again, but yeah it's going well at the MTC. I'm trying my hardest I promise...." 9 FEB "Well the language isn't getting any easier it's still really slow coming but I'm still trying to improve every day...."

 

We taught the boys to try and relax and not to push too hard (being competitive is in the nature of being a twin which is great in sports but a bit of a challenge with things like this), and we promised them that with the spirit, the language would come naturally and not by force. We didn't want them to be pressured because that's not a good environment to learn......

 

So the boys tried to let it come naturally and as they left the MTC - they were reporting: 23 FEB "I was to give the closing prayer, I can't rememebr what I said but I remember being nervous, because my district being the oldest group in the zone and me being the leader (district leader) I felt as if I had to give this good prayer and show the new people the [level of ] expectation. I can't even remember what I said in the prayer specifically but I know I said some words I had no idea I even knew, and I must have done pretty good because the new people thought I was a native speaker hahaha,... so the gift of tongues must be coming". As his mother, I find my heart full of wonder and joy that they have lived good lives to be able to recieve these beautiful gifts of the spirit.

In preparation for arriving in their new country of residence for the next two years, we shared with the boys the experience of others before them, that the language in the country was totally different than in the MTC. We had heard from friends that people arrived feeling confident in a language only to be left speechless...

IN THE FIELD: As expected, and on cue - the boys first emails report: 4 MAR " I met the ward and everything. It was super hard to stay awake because I have to pay so much attention trying to figure out what they're saying, and it makes me tired but hey I survivied it too, and the people are super super cool, they just speak really fast and I can't understand their accent haha!!" and 4 MAR "It's true about how fast these people can speak. I can't understand anything"....

The boys were counselled by their mission prep leaders and other RMs (returned missionaries) that their command of the language will eventually come along. They understood very clearly the need to be have the companionship of the spirit so they could be recipients of the gift or tongues and the interpretation of tongues - which means basically they would be able to speak and understand others speaking Spanish.

ONE MONTH SINCE ARRIVING IN THE FIELD: We gave the boys 6 months so I set the goal with them that by August, and definitely by the time they call me for Christmas they would be totally immersed ;-) The problem is that I think it is going to be their phonecall on Mother's Day that will see them struggling to speak in English ;-) One report: 1 APR "So I decided to take the opportunity to teach in English lesson one, and I can tell you now when I come home I'm not going to be speaking much English, as I was struggling to teach lesson one in English and I've only been here for a month.... But it's cool. I like teaching him. I had to say the prayer in English too, which was really really hard, I didn't know what to say, hahaha so I think this is a good sign my English is finally dropping off and my Spanish is picking up chin a chin, little by little". And from his brother: 3 APR "I can understand people now usually it sounds like they would say one big word but now it sounds like Spanish".

 

So that's it - the gift of tongues kicking in such a short amount of time. We are so grateful for the help they have been getting by those around them and especially for both of the boys being worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost and as such recipients of the gift of tongues.

 

As for me and Mr - we better get cracking and learn us some Spanish....!!

Don't Mess with a Missionary Mama!!

My husband found out again - that this missionary mama is not to be messed with - especially when it comes to PDays... those days are like manna from heaven and I will cross burning coals and would even run (you have to see me to know that I don't run!!) to anywhere to get my son's emails....

So today, it is PDay in the Dominican Republic. The boys both email me, one is to a group and then one directly to me and my husband with his brother in it - this is our family circle email. It keeps everyone in touch with each other.... My other son - just sends a group email - two of them and there is none his mother....

Their father (husband of 23 years) calls me at work some time later and he is all chirpy and I said - "the boys emails were short today" and then he proceeds to tell me that he had been online and had little chats with them!! Apparently all three of my significant others (1 husband and 2 missionaries) - had been emailing each other and no one thought to press REPLY ALL (including their father) - so their mother missed out... I was not impressed!!

After asking what they said, their father casually replies "just little bits - nothing major!" By this time smoke is coming out of my ears, but their father finally, as requested a few times - forwards me their emails and what d'ya know - there are messages: Mum, can you get me this, Mum can you do this, and I look at the recipients - and there is no mum in there!! I could not believe it.

So I have emailed all three of them to instruct them to reconnect their fingers to the REPLY ALL button... and not happy.... with their father in particular.

I had been feeling a bit funny last week (self diagnosed it as a bit of a funk) - and I remembering saying to Mr, "I hope the boys are okay" - because I just felt 'off'. He would brush it off and say "of course they are okay.... etc" getting frustrated that I somehow didn't have faith anymore.... What he didn't realise is that it was a mother's intuition on high alert - because as it turns out - one of my sons has had a challenging week and is becoming frustrated with the language - trying to work with a new companion, new country, and appointments falling through, and it all coincides with how I was feeling last week.... and I know if I had being included in their emails earlier - I may have been able to reassure them, or help somehow....

Anyway, I am hoping that the REPLY ALL lesson remains with Mr and his sons for the next 96 weeks.

Don't mess with a missionary mama on PDay....!

Let's see how we go next week ;-)

Mxo

25 Words!!

Dear Journal,

Our High Councilman spoke yesterday in church and I knew that I was going to write and talk about it.... He retold a story as told by President Monson in a general conference in 2008, and later by the General Primary President in 2013 - about Jay Hess, an airman who was captured and imprisoned during the Vietnam war. Our High Councilman must have been touched by what he read, as he researched further and was able to provide some other detail which made the story even more amazing!! For two years, the family of Brother Hess did not know if he was alive, missing or worse - dead. When Hess was moved to another prisoner of war camp, not only had the conditions improved, and the food was better - he was eventually allowed to write one letter. It was to be no more than 25 words.

 

Brother Hess thought about what he would say that would let his family recognise it was his him (writing), and also provide counsel to his children. This is what he wrote: "“These things are important: temple marriage, mission, college. Press on, set goals, write history, take pictures twice a year.”

President Monson went on to ask us all what we would write, and what legacy would we leave behind and encouraged us to "relish life as we live it, find joy in the journey, and share our love with friends and family. One day each of us will run out of tomorrows."

 

So, tonight I wrote to my boys and told them about this story and I shared with them my 25 words to them at this time: "I love you. Return with honour. Become educated. Work hard. Marry someone you see raising your children. Stay spiritually strong. Pray always. Love my moko (grandchildren)…"

 

I don't know what they will think of that - but I know they will know it was from their mother who loves them so very very very much....

 

What would be your message to your missionary(s)??

 

Until next time.

 

Mxo 

In a bit of a Funk

Dear Journal

Early this morning when I finally went to bed - I nudged my husband and I told him that I was in a bit of a "funk" - to which he sleepily replied - "a what?" - I say, "y'know - a funk" and then I went on to explain what I was feeling..... the poor man listened (or feel back asleep - it sounded the same :-))..... but basically - I miss my sons.

 

I know all those intellectual and spiritual things like - "they are in God's hands etc", "they are hastening the work etc"... but I can tell you this for free - I do not, and have never to this date found any physical comfort in these phrases. Don't get me wrong - all of it is true - and I know that - but sometimes I just want to talk to my boys even if it is to say 'hi'. I have been pretty honest in this blog about my sons being my world - and without them - I find the emptiness and silence in my life on occasion - to be a little depressing!

 

Research says that the empty nest syndrome (which I have self diagnosed myself as having :-)) is more prevalant in mother's whose identity and feeling of self-worth comes from being a 'mother'. I hadn't realised, that regardless of the degrees (I have two Bachelors and one Masters) I have, or the work/leadership positions I have been in - I actually valued being a mother above all else - I always thought it was my top priority - but now I really KNOW that it was the MOST important 'thing' in my life - and now that I get to be a long distance mother who hears from her sons once a week instead of all day - it is tough! This word has just bought a smile to my face - because I bought this little block that says tough as nails - and I think I need that more than ever - or as my friends tell me - harden up!!

 

The boys are hitting the 2 month mark in a couple of days so I should be used to hearing from them once a week right?! The only problem is when they were in the MTC - their PDays were different - so I actually got a love byte twice a week. Now their love catches up with me like every other missionary mother - once a week and I can tell you 7 days is a LOOOONNNNGGGG time!!

 

So, now that I have acknowledged how I am feeling - what next?? Well, even as I am writing about this "funk" I am in, I can hear my mother's voice telling me what she taught me to do whenever I was down and that was to get back to basics! 1) Say your prayers, 2) Read your Scriptures (even if in wannabe Spanish ;-), 3) Hold Family Home Evening and 4)Go to the temple!! Added to that, and what has helped me move through this is  5) Give service - because it is hard to remember what is you haven't got, when you are too busy helping others with their needs....

But, to tell you the truth, the best bit of this 'funk' is that I have an even simpler cure - PDay - which is tomorrow!!

 

 I'll let you know how I go....

Thanks for listening,

Mxo

Myth Busters

Dear Missionary Mama

This blog makes me smile. As I am writing it, I am thinking about my sons and the emails we have been sharing about these myths we were told about, and how we have busted them!! It doesn't make me angry or hurt, instead - just smile and know it is going to be something that we will talk about when they are finished - and have a laugh...

You see before the boys left for their mission and while at the MTC - I came across some information - all corroborated by other missionaries and/ or my favourite group of people in the world - missionary mothers. So practically it was 'gospel'....... yet now we (the Turketo3) call them myths - hence the smiles.....

MISSIONARY MYTH 1: The Room

We were told while the boys were preparing for their mission, and for some reason, and I do not know why - at the Provo MTC, New Zealand (NZ) is seen as a 3rd world country. This means that the missionaries from NZ join other missionaries from other poor? countries and are taken to this room where they can pick and choose from the items in there and have them - for free! We had heard missionaries picking up suits, bags, shirts, and so on. My niece who went to the Provo MTC - talked of this room....

With this information, and because the boys are serving in a HOT country, and Provo at the time was in the middle of WINTER, we decided that the boys would be able to pick up some warm clothes from the ROOM.

So my sons get called to this room - and the myth is busted! Instead of this massive room (waaaaay smaller than in our imaginations!) and having free range of items - the boys reported that they are met by people who went through their missionary checklist looking for gaps - so the missionary that got a new suit - probably required more suits, hence a suit was picked up.... However, since my sons arrived at MTC with ticks  next to every mission specific/required items, they didn't get much from the room.... but they got what they needed.

My son wrote back and told me that the room is actually made up of lost and found items left by the thousands of missionaries that move through the MTC. It is also made up of clothes - which my son did himself - donated by missionaries that aren't going to be using them. So the warm clothes that one of my sons picked up from other missionaries and from parcels - critical in Provo - but unnecessary in the Caribbean were donated. Other kind saints are also donating. My son, got his warm coat from a missionary who left before him. Myth Busted ;-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 2: The ATM Card
The myth:I read somewhere that missionaries in the MTC get a card like an ATM card that had money on it for things that a missionary would need. Again, based on this information, and embellished by my imagination - I ask the boys about this card... and I relax a little thinking that they are getting money every week to get things that they need - although in the MTC - they don't need much!! I'm thinking - if they want to get something from the bookstore, or they want to get some nice paper to write home to their mother (another dream!!) - this card would have some money on it.

In one of the last emails from the MTC, and I am sure he was wearing a big smile as he was writing, my son tells me - Mum - it wasn't like an ATM card with money on it - it was like a swipey card that has $5 on it - for their laundry. Myth Busted :-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 3: The Airport Call

Now, I am a fan of my missionary mothers groups that I am a part of. Some of the women in there are up to their 4th missionary - so again what they say is 'gospel'. The posts of interests were the ones about missionaries calling home from the airport before leaving or during lay overs. My sons and I planned for these little calls - they have phone cards and one has almost $15 worth of quarters ;-) They are prepared...... I wait and wait and wait........ I even find myself stalking airflights! ;-) What I notice is that when they arrive at the JFK airport in New York (they have never been there before) they have 1 hour to make a connecting flight at another terminal that they have never been too - and I know that checking out and in takes time!! Because of all these little things - I fell into the group of MM who didn't get one phone call. Myth Busted :-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 4: The Mission Home
The myth: I had been reading other missionary mothers posting about how they received on the same day as arrival or soon after a letter from their missionary's Mission President (with a photo), some missionaries were even passed a phone to call home to let their parents know they had arrived safely. So you can see where this is going right..... yes I wait all day and night - and nothing! I think every mission is different so another Myth Busted ;-)

And after all is said and done, even with these little things shattered and not bearing up well to my imagination, expectations and anticipation - I know without a doubt that my sons are in God's hands. Even without knowing by phone call that they had arrived - I know in my heart they did and they are well. I know they are excited and looking forward to working hard and although alittle nervous - they will be like sponges taking in every new experience, sight, sound, and smells of their new home! This belief I have, and this peace I feel inside - is not a myth and will never be busted!

Until the next time,

Take care,

Mxo