In sickness and health....

One of friends was reading her email from her missionary son and how shocked he was to see the conditions of his apartment, coming from the MTC, in the Phillipines. She spoke about how she would have loved to have flown over to his apartment, cleaned it, bought a new stove, purchased a 2nd hand washing machine, and fixed the air conditioning unit - and all before he got home! She then made her family have cold showers and eat canned food only - so that they could all share her son's experience which is sooo funny - because it is was exactly the thoughts I had when my first letter home from my sons -and their description about their new homeland - Republica Dominicana :-)

"What’s DR like? Well, it’s super hot super hot not really like death hot it’s just that we walk around and we’re all covered so it’s like hot haha uhm the power is never on besides night time around 9pm-3am so you iron shirts, wash clothes, enjoy the fan and light then because once it goes off its off haha. The streets are dirty real dirty! rubbish everywhere, we have to walk places, and it’s all rock and dirt, the houses are really like shacks that are falling apart it’s not very good but the people are lovely like you walk by say hello and they say hello you can talk and they talk to its hard for me cause they’re like sharks if they know you can’t speak spanish (which I can’t) they don’t hold back they go faster... the shower is pretty much a hose in the wall you have to keep your mouth closed cause if you drink it you’re gone (sick).

I had a bucket shower this morning cause the water ran out it was okay I’m getting used to it, beds are really really nice like my bed is so so good if I didn’t have that I’d probably die so that’s good. The kitchen, well its always dirty we use bleach to wash dishes cause water is dirty haha uhm. Washing is interesting - not the same, and yeah it’s a hard as mission but I love it that’s how you become a real man haha when you lose everything you have and realise you can live like this or that people do live like this there’s no other life. Last night we taught a lesson 8pm no lights so it was so so dark! We still taught and still felt the spirit. That’s what it’s about!"

Then the gem of the whole letter - "It’s all good though I love my mission I always remember the words of my mission president "Welcome to the best mission in the world and that’s what it is" haha! DR!"

I don't know about you - but when your kids are raised with working amenities and utilities - you are left practically stunned after reading these kinds of letters. It has taken a couple of months for me to come right with it and accept that this is just the way it is going to be for my sons and I am okay with it - only because my sons are okay with it....and have accepted the challenge and in his own words wrote:

My favourite quote: "you can destroy this body, but my spirit is indestructible" [So] my spirit will keep growing, I grow closer to God than ever before, I will learn more about His gospel, I will serve him more, I will testify of him more. I will become more like him. So I’m not stressing about what can happen to this body of mine here, because my spirit will keep growing forever and ever and ever."

From an earlier blog you will know that my son missed emailing me and I was frantic - thinking the worst and I got my missionary mamas network going and he was found and got the message to write home. Needless to say he was not impressed...

"If I don’t email one week then you need to pray and wait, you can’t just skip to the end and say I’m in hospital because truth is I probably will be teaching someone while your freaking out, so next time might be worth praying first and waiting to see what up because I told the zone leaders that I email you ever week and I have, and that I wouldn’t think my mum would ring that much. So you don’t need to move a mountain to try and get in touch with me because I will find time somewhere in my week to email you just need to trust me. Other than that know that I’m on a mission so I’m going to be busy, I’m going to get sick, I may get hurt, I already have got lost before and many other things you wouldn’t to happen to me but that’s a mission."

So recently - when he didn't email - I let it go - and even managed to keep positive hanging on to his little email. The day after his PDay I get an email and he had been in bed for 24 hours - wiped out, feverish, sleeping. He brushed it off and said he had sun stroke - so I leave it because he has taught me that "it is a mission mum". The week later on PDay I am casually informed by my baby boy that he has had a round of the newest disease to hit the Carribean - the Chikungunya disease!!

Of course I worry about him as he was out - sleeping, drinking water and taking pills to manage the pain and fever... His poor companion - and my poor baby!!

I talked to him about his attitude and how regardless of all of these things - he remains positive. He tells me it is something that he has to work on - that it doesn't come easily but after being worked on and practiced and he shared this with me:

"I realised no matter how bad the day goes you can walk for miles and teach no one everyone can fire and tell you to go away yet when you get home you’ll never hear a missionary say I wish I didn’t go out there today and that’s exactly how it is here.... you could have to walk hours a day in melting heat, teaching houses that feel like ovens, sweat while you eat your food for lunch, take bucket showers because the water in you apartment is out, walk in water up to your knees because the drains don’t work, lie in your bed and sweat because power is gone, not be able to flush your toilet paper and even then you can choose to smile and serve because that’s what it’s all about."

So in sickness and health - my son's attitude of gratitude comes shining through. He is an inspiration to his parents and brother and we love him for it. He reminds me everyday to be grateful for what I have - even if I have nothing - be grateful for that.....

What lessons are/is your missionary/s teaching you??

Mxo

The Mother's Day Call

The Mother's Day Call - what can I say??

This I will say - the build up and stress of getting the call sorted was more than I expected.

Let me start from the beginning. I am the mother of identical twins... basically this means that I have one person split into two  - this is my own theory - so don't quote it anywhere.... But for me, the only thing that they share is their face... although to their mother - they look totally different, sound different etc... but to anyone else they might as well be a mirror of each other - which is funny because they are what we call mirror twins... and I digress.

 

I tell you this so that you can understand one son is very controlled. He likes things just so. He doesn't like changes very much. He is disciplined, and likes to be planned and organised. My other son is easy going - I call him my cruiser - whatever happens will happen. Don't get me wrong he has driven, highly competitive and has ambition like his brother - but he is chilled ;-) We miss our sons!

So these two wonderful human beings are sorting out how they are going to get in contact with their mother (and father - but this is my blog so its all about me ;-)). They have never undergone a task like this before - navigating international calling, international times and zones - so I am not sure what to expect. I know it's been four months of serving a mission in a foreign country and they are no longer my teenagers that left home so I am quietly confident.

One son, comes back quickly to say what time he will be on and that he will be in touch beforehand by email to confirm. He is very clear on the details and his father and I know that he will make that time by hook or by crook. The other son, bless his heart - gives me a date for his Skype and tells me that he is going to call on the phone to confirm the details. He then says to be prepared for any event and says "so don't go to church on Sunday, or work on Monday or Tuesday".....Mr and I had a little giggle... because we know with his companion - he is going to stick to the first date and time he gave us.

 

The son who likes to be organised and prepared emails alittle distressed that he has not had any luck finding somewhere that has Skype capabilities, so we try and be supportive and tell him, that a phone call will be just as good... His response is that he will Skype no matter what! God loves a tryer our baby boy!

 

So our first skype calls come through - we get to meet his companion who we thank for being a diligent trainer..... our baby is nervous to start with and was moving quickly through what appeared to be an internal agenda with a time frame to it - we have 10 mins for this and that.... I don't think so my boy - so I stop him and said "Son" - "Yeh" - "Son"- "Yeh" - "Ssoonnn, I love you son" - and with that his father and I looked at him and we all cried. We were connecting for the first time in 4 months and it was good. He was skyping from his Bishop's office so it was peaceful, and technology was great. We had no issues.

He showed us his shoes, we laughed about his watch that I thought would be too big, we had a giggle about his diet and his precious '6 pack' he was so proud of before his mission and we then in one hour it was over! He was gone. Just like that!!

So with that over - we made adjustments to our set up and waited for our next son - who was having a time of it. All the places that had been scoped out either had computer issues or were closed. Him and his companion walked for a long time searching for a computer with skype capabilities. I tried to alleviate some of the stress by letting him know that he could call - and he was not having that. He wanted to see his parents...... and just like his personality, his perserverance paid off...

He skyped and it was soooo good to see him. His father was getting caught up on the picture we had which was so pixeted that for the majority of our time together, we hardly saw his face clearly - but we looked into our sons eyes as if we could see him clearly. We tried to make it relaxed for him by ignoring the issues that he was having with being in a noisey cafe, with people in the background, with music blaring outside and two power outages.... and concentrated on our boy - because he was the most important person to us... It was hard, but I could only imagine how much harder it was for him....

He showed us shoes and I have never seen a bigger split in a sole before ;-) He is in a tough area and we spent a lot of our time encouraging him to keep up the good work, and to remind him for all the time we had together that we were so proud of him, that we loved him and that his attitude was amazing! We got to wave out to his companion.... It was a bit harder for us to say goodbye this second time because of I felt he wanted to share more but given his environment...

So what have we learnt - 1) Being organised is critical. You don't want to be wasting time getting your camera and technology in place, 2) Have your questions ready - ask everything and anything you want, - we found that because we have questions ready for PDay - we are pretty much up-to-date 3) some of the best advice we were given was to let them talk - they have so much to say they need to be able to talk as well, 4) let them ask questions as well, one son wanted to see his room and the temple (we have a stellar view of the NZ temple) - so off we took the laptop, 5) It's okay to cry. We tried to be staunch but we shed some tears - but left the hearty tears for after - well I did... my mate was emotional throughout - so have tissues on hand. Keep the pace up so let the tears roll - but keep going.... The tip is not to dwell on how sad you are - because they are going to have some emotional reaction to seeing you.... so we need to keep them up them and not for one minute think they better come home because their parents have 'lost it!' 6) Be prepared for the ulimate downer after your skype/call.... or being on a high. After the first boy - I didn't want to be home alone, so we went to some friends and spent the evening with them and their children, laughter, even dancing filled me up and I was ready for the next day! 7) Thank Heavenly for technology that connects us with our children. For those of us with children thousands of miles away - skype is a Godsend!

So - there you have it - one hour, sixty little minutes (or even less for some missions) isn't long but it enough time to let your children know you miss them heaps and love them more, so no matter what happens to the power, the quality of the picture - they know!!

Mxo

First 100 days

Dear Journal

Today my sons have been gone for 100 days. This exceeds the longest time we have been apart by 93 days ;-) I had planned to have a big extravagant party for my family and friends, first, to thank many of them for supporting me when I first started on this journey, and for caring for me along the way, and secondly, because I thought it would have been an awesome occasion to celebrate. Instead, I am probably going to spend the day in my pjs keeping a low profile and having a party for one.... which is fine because all day, nearly every day I think about my sons, and I feel close to them... somehow.

Anyway, I thought that I will put together what I have learnt in my first hundred days....

NOT EVERYONE 'GETS' IT

When I first started telling people (including a couple of my own immediate family) of this 100 day event - the reaction was surprising.... and one of the main reasons the party didn't go ahead.... The lesson I learnt from this is that not everyone is going to 'get' what it is like to be a missionary mama - UNTIL - the day they become one. I can't explain what it is like to be a mother, let alone a mother of children on the other side of the world... So it took me 100 days (I'm a slow learner ;-)) to realise that not even family 'get' it and that's okay. I have friends that do....

WHERE'S THE MONEY AT?

No one talks about it much - but having more than one missionary serving at a time is financially challenging. I currently work two jobs and yet it doesn't seem like enough. As a shopaholic by self-diagnosis - I don't go shopping at all anymore - not even for groceries unless absolutely necessary because I am afraid that there will be no money left for the boys. I was talking to Mr M the other day and said to him that I should have asked for clarification around my wedding vows for richer and for poorer - and asked - "poorer than what?" ;-) What I have learnt from this in 100 days is that - the blessings of being a missionary mama include money being available - always the exact amount from thin air - literally physically impossible - but always arriving exactly when it is needed - EVERY TIME - true story.

 

TENDER MERCIES

I am sure my life is littered with tender mercies - but I never knew.... well in these last 100 days - I know there are many that happen that I know about, and some I will never know learn of. Tender mercies include my previous example of money being given randomly that has just been enough to cover a shortfall, or the fact that our twin sons got to spend moments with each other at the MTC, or kind missionary mamas - closer to my sons, providing them with beanies, scarves - and much needed insect repellent. Tender mercies included his missionary mama, making contact with my son's companion's mother by fluke.... these things aren't coincidences - because this gospel is not one of co-incidences....“I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often, the Lord’s timing of his tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them….The Lord’s tender mercies are the very personal and individualized blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindnesses, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ….Faithfulness, obedience and humility invite tender mercies into our lives, and it is often the Lord’s timing that enables us to recognize and treasure these important blessings….I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us….Each of us can have eyes to see clearly and ears to hear distinctly the tender mercies of the Lord as they strengthen and assist us in these latter days"  Elder David A Bednar

 

WE HAVE RAISED GOOD MEN

When the children were born, there were complications which saw them being taken to intensive care without me seeing them. Instead when I came through general anaesthesia, I was shown two photos of my baby boys. Not knowing that I was having sons, when I was told, and the photos were brought to my eyes, I kissed each photo and vowed right then and there that I would do everything I could to raise stripling warriors.... and it turns out, and I have learnt in the last 100 days that I have raised wonderful good men - true stripling warriors. Their testimonies and experiences they are having and sharing are indescribable - they strengthen me, and I am blessed for it.

 

WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A MISSIONARY

I have two favourite quotes from my missionary son serving in the Santo Domingo West Mission that have taught me so much - one of which is about what it is like to be a missionary... "know that I'm on a mission so I'm going to be busy, I'm going to get sick, I may get hurt, I already have got lost before and many other things you wouldn't [want] to happen to me, but that's a mission". Aren't our missionaries awesome!!

 

MY TESTIMONY IS STRENGTHENED

Another gem of a quote from my son has strengthened my own testimony - "I'm a little sick.. which sucks but I don't care. I always tell myself whenever I feel bad, I'm in the DR. I wanted to come here so may as well make the most of it, btw, [I finished] Jesus the Christ finally! That's right all of it. My favourite quote I think it was in there: "you can destroy this body, but my spirit is indestructible" My spirit will keep growing. I grow closer to God than ever before, I learn more about His gospel. I will serve Him more. I will testify of Him more. I will become more like Him. So I'm [not] stressing about what can happen to this body of mine here, because my spirit will keep growing forever and ever and ever" - I know that's my 18 year old son there!! ;-) I love my missionary sons!!

 

So as the close of day 100 approaches - it may not have been celebrated like the way I had wanted - it is another day for me to reflect on my sons and the lives they are leading.... and I look forward to the next 100 days and the lessons that I will learn from them.... and who knows - I may get my party one of these 100 days ;-)!!

 

Happy 100 days - and only 630 days, 90 weeks and 21 Fast Sundays until I wrap them in my arms for a time before they head off into the next part of their lives....

 

Mxo

 

The 'H' word

Dear journal

I cannot go to bed tonight without sharing a wonderful experience with you.... but to start off - let me start from the beginning.

I have blogged about my involvement in a few groups that are shared with other women going through the same things that I am - regardless of where we live - we have one thing in common - our children are serving missions.... In fact, according to the latest church statistics - there are 83000+ missionaries currently serving in 405 missions!! Logic then dictates there are 83000 mothers out there that think a lot like I do.... isn't that amazing??

 

We aren't exactly the same - my own family will tell you that I am my own kind of crazy:-) But we love our children and we pray for them, and worry over them from day 1 through to finish day, from the day we drop them off - to the day we run into their arms at airports, and other meeting places at the end of their service.....

 

And in between that we have high highs, frustrations, hurts, heaps of tears, lows, joys, and every other conceivable emotions.... and even though these are shared emotions they are felt so differently as parents at home and as missionaries somewhere else completely.... The emotional connection and physical affection has to be expressed in other ways and it is hard.....

 

One of the things that I am finding as a mother, is trying to support my sons while they are so far away.... especially combatting the 'H' word - homesickness. I miss my sons, and sometimes forget that they actually miss home sometimes as well. My sons have both felt, on occasion and to different people said the same thing about home - and it makes me worry a little. It's not that I don't have faith - because that is just not true. If I didn't have faith that my sons are in the Lord's hands - distance would mean nothing and I would move heaven and heaps of overdraft accounts to get there ;-).... Instead, I have a shared mother's worry that her children are alright - thoughts and feelings that sit in the back of my head and occupies my thoughts and conversations now and then.... All of which are my prerogative as a mother ;-) well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it....

 

In these other MMs forums that I am in, homesickness is talked about often and every time someone brings up the "H" word - the responses come thick and fast, all educational, informative and inspirational. I observe and am learning as we go along.  this is one of my strongest weapons to understand and treat the 'H' word. Found in the words and experiences of other missionary mums -  I observe, I listen, and I learn.... love being a missionary mother!!

 

These mothers who I am sharing this journey with are amazing and are a force to be reckoned with. I have had mothers who I have never known or know very little - but love eternally - who have supported my sons while they were in the Provo MTC. I have had mothers in an email group I am apart of - tell me exactly what it is like in the areas where my sons serve, giving advice on the food, sickness, and mosquito nets!

 

What can I do as a mother sooooo far away? My biggest defence weapon against the 'H' word and others like it is Mr M. Mr reminds me about what it is like out there on a mission and then he supports the boys through emails and letters. He gives them practical advice and anecdotes that they use. They turn to him and ask him questions and it has been beautiful to watch - this bond between father and sons..... so I don't worry too much.

 

In addition to that, my sons are in every prayer that we offer up. It's very simple but every thing helps. Our prayers are specific to each missionary son, and we ponder what we are going to be saying and tailor our focus to their needs.... Going to the temple and putting their names on the prayer roll can never be underestimated. My son, wrote once, that he knew he received something positive in his week because his parents were praying for him....

One thing we have found, especially with the boys being in a foreign land - their want for more family photos have been a popular requests.... So I send photos of our family all the time, quirky and different and in every letter... Along with those are NZ memorabilia - the latest request -something with the Hobbit on it ;-)  I even sent them with a Vision Board so they can always see it....

Now, back to my story..... today a tender mercy was extended to me and one of my missionary boys today. My son is working hard and having some beautiful experiences, and loves the members.... Recently, he has been feeling a little down, after having lost some good friends during a transfer. He is going through this emotional time, on top of having no power and intermittent use of water for weeks, and finding little relief from the heat, trying hard to learn a language he so desperately wants to learn and with a training companion who is exact in all things. Is he worried? Definitely not - he ended his letter saying that things are hot and God is good!!..

 

Well, tonight a sweet MM, emailed me and let me know that she made contact with an old YSA friend in the Dominican Republic who happens to be in my son's ward.... and today at church - and she passed my only message to him - "your mother loves you!"

 

Little did my MM friend (we have never met!) know that the message was given to the very son who has been a bit sad to lose his friends in a transfer and feeling the H word a little.....I cried when she emailed me and I thanked her so much for the sweet message would have made my son's day. He would have gone to bed tonight knowing, hearing for himself that his mother all of 8,350 miles away from him - loves him dearly....

 

The MM force is one to be reckoned with, and I know it is only a matter of time that combined, like my son, all 83000+ missionaries will know they are loved by people at home because everyone is doing their bit where they can - in front of them, one step at a time and slowly the 'H' word can be treated quickly because we are all MMs!!

 

I love being a missionary mama...

 

Mxo

 

 

Patience is a Virtue

Dear Journal

Recently, I wrote about my son missing his PDay email. It was a source of spiritual inspiration and I felt very blessed indeed, especially when, on the next day I received not one but three email responses from him after he had read all of my emails. I am not sure what he was feeling - but he did ask me to explain how his Zone Leaders were contacted and a message was conveyed instructing him to write home to his mother. This was his last set of instructions, and they repeated twice throughout the emails so I know he will be waiting to hear the answer.....

Now you see why I have called this blog Patience is a virtue, because I have been told on numerous occasions - especially by more experienced missionary mothers, and the ultimate return missionary incarnate - Mr M - that missionaries are busy and sometimes just can't get around to writing....

I was so amazed to see mothers in my own missionary mamas group who have suffered through weeks with no email and have demonstrated the fortitude of warriors, never flinching, and just waiting until they did. Every time, their missionary explained why they hadn't made contact and all is good amongst the people.....

 

I know this, I have the faith that they are safe. It is just I so desperately count on hearing from my missionaries - that this one slip was a problem for me....

 

It turned out that week I also got a letter in the mail! That made me feel even worse - that I didn't have the patience to wait for my son to make contact.... ;-( On top of that a missionary mother with a son serving in the same area as my son sent me photos - which were the first photos we had seen since he had left MTC! Heavenly Father answered my prayers - but I so caught up in starting this international search party, that I wasn't patient ENOUGH or for long ENOUGH.... and my son found out...
 

Bless my boy's heart, what has really strengthened my resolve to hold the line and practice patience if a PDay email was ever missed again was my email from my baby - I tell you it was another 'out of the mouths of babes' moments for this missionary mama.
 

"If I don’t email one week then you need to pray and wait, you can’t just skip to the end and say I’m in hospital because truth is I probably will be teaching someone... I will find time some where in my week to email -  you just need to [pray and] trust me. Other than that know that I’m on a mission so I’m going to be busy, I’m going to get sick, I may get hurt, I already have got lost before and many other things you wouldn’t want to happen to me but that’s a mission."

 

 

 

Got it son- and from this I will forever and practice patience, pray and wait some more!!

 

Well, I will try my hardest son & that is all I can do ;-)

 

Until the next time,

A repentant Missionary mama xx

Eureka!!

Dear Journal

When I started on this journey of being a missionary mama - I was totally not ready for the experience. Even after years of observation and 18 years of preparation - I was still totally ill-prepared!

You see, when I would observe missionaries going out, I would look at the mums and imagine what they were feeling. Naturally, feelings of being proud, and grateful and all these other happy, happy feelings came to mind.... Then over the last few years - as my boys were getting closer to being eligible, I would listen to missionary mothers, and it was then that I started to hear about the emotional side of being a missionary mama - the "can't wait for them to come home", or in response to a remark that time had flown by they would say "not for me it hasn't".... And then just before/ or soon after my sons got their call - I spoke to one mother who told me about Satan and his designs for our kids and I was horrified that someone would not want the best for my sons!! (http://amissionarymum.blogspot.co.nz/2014/01/battle-of-wills.html) I also learnt about this absolute pain that was experienced when saying goodbye/ letting go of a missionary..... The what?? I thought that sending your children on missions, planned since their births was a joyful ocassion -  but painful....??( http://amissionarymum.blogspot.co.nz/2013/11/the-best-kept-secrets-of-preparing.html )

 

I have spent months thinking about the reasons why I didn't know how hard this was going to be?  This is where I had an EUREKA moment!!

The possible answers: missionary story weary, or missionary experiences fatigue, or missionary apathy. Let me explain.

Missionary story weary

I have to admit, I have suffered this for many years, especially when Mr starts re-telling his 23+ year old missionary stories. A little switch turns my brain off and I don't hear him anymore. I mean, I love the man, but given the fact I was with him during the time (I waited for him) - I get a bit weary of hearing the stories again.... Sometimes as missionary mamas we think that others around us have the same switches and they are getting turned off every time we talk....  As a result missionary mums and dads just stop talking and sharing.

If you are one of these missionary mamas who has stopped sharing - always remember that someONE needs your missionary story today. Never stop sharing - because people genuinely care and want to know how your missionary is doing. Spend time with people who love to hear your stories. I have a handful of people I can go to to talk about my sons' stories - and they never tire of me - well their eyes don't roll back into their eyes when I do :-). Talking about your missionary - keeps them close to you...

Missionary experiences fatigue

Similar to above, missionary experiences fatigue is when missionary mamas are having so many experiences they aren't sharing any, or don't know which ones to share and get overwhelmed and shut down...  Sometimes, it could also be that when someone shares their missionary experience and you have one similar you don't believe that you need to share yours as well, or we don't have any feelings about it either way - and just carry on. Sometimes, we don't tell people because we think they already

know... or they have their own missionary's experiences.... or we are silent because it's too special.... All of these feelings are valid and personal....

If you are one of these missionary mamas - you need to realise that missionary experiences that our children are having are coming from a loving Heavenly Father who has answered prayers, and are directly involved in their lives and guiding them to people who need Him! The most precious things I have to share at the moment are my sons' experiences - and again someONE, including myself every time - has their/my testimony strengthened.

Missionary apathy

These are the missionary mamas who have wonderful experiences but do not choose to share or participate in groups set up for sharing, or those who find sharing not a priority. Sometimes, missionary families can't see what the big deal is about! There are dozens of missionaries where I live that I have no idea how they are. Should I expect to know - absolutely not!! It's a parents perogative, and everyone has their agency.

 

To all missionary mamas,  I believe that you may miss out on the added  blessings of helping someONE else out.... People who genuinely care about your missionary will never turn away news about them - in fact they will thank you for sharing.... Recently I told a group of women a story about my son's and how they are progressing with their lanuguage acquisition. I checked with Mr if I should go ahead with telling it because it is a story I had shared on facebook, and on this blog, and he said yes - because people not in those forums were asking after the boys - so sure enough, after the story - they come and thank me for sharing because they genuinely care....

As a result of weariness, fatigue and apathy, I had no idea how hard it going to be to say good bye, how hard it becomes financially, emotionally and everything else. . And instead of staying in that position, I have plodded along and worked through it! And this is how.....

 

I looked for groups that were open to sharing - and found a group started by missionary mothers in the US. I joined that as soon as the boys got their calls - and immediately got the emotional support, and the validation of my feelings - from a group of women on the other side of the planet. When I joined this group there were hundreds of others on there - now there are thousands! I love missionary mommas.

 

I also started blogging my experience - because there are others out there that need to know,  that as a missionary mother you experience the exquisite sweetness of your children's blooming testimonies, as well as getting a tiny insight into their deepest despairs - and perhaps all in one email ;-).  I've done this because I know there will be at least ONE other who shares the same thoughts as I do.... and I know what a difference it would have meant to me if I had known.

 

I am also a part of an  email group through ourldsfamily.com  group with missionaries in the same area as my children. Today I received photos of my baby boy at his zone conference and outside the Dominican Republic Temple which were a godsend because we have not seen our boy since he left the MTC due to him having camera issues.  This beautiful missionay mother had no idea which was my son, but she knew my name, she had read an email - and she cared enough to send me photos!. These tender mercies come thick and fast as missionary mamas and become the manna on which we feast on and get us through from one PDay to the next.

 

When the boys got their call I started a missionary mamas group on facebook for kiwi (New Zealand) mums to share our experiences. This group has taken a bit longer to get going as it is the nature for kiwis to not 'brag' about their children - but I am working on getting more and more mothers sharing because for me (only about a 1/3 are engaging) that is what keeps me going.... We will never know that something shared may be the answer to your prayer and an answer to your missionary's troubles...It is not for everyone - this sharing and caring attitude - but for me it is critical to being a missionary mama.

All I know is that after our missionaries are out there - that 'raw' pain dulls.... and is replaced with this peace and faith  that our children are okay. I can't explain it - but I am at peace all the time even though my sons have no water, no power, get lost, get drenched, get rejected and all the things I would never have exposed my sons to - I am at peace! I believe as a direct result of our children serving our Heavenly Father, who on reciept of their service, cannot hold back his blessings - and that when our kids are praying for mum and dad back home - we get those blessings in abundance. Those blessings come as comfort and peace and faith and comfort. Who wouldn't want to share this with others starting out on this journey, or having troubles and challenges....

Missionary mamas, join a forum and get sharing.... If you are experiencing missionary fatigue, weariness or apathy - have break and then catch us up! You may find something from other missionary mamas that lift you for the day, make you smile, or remind you that you are normal....If this is a bit of you - please try and set some time aside - once a week, or fortnight, or once a month and share your missionary's progress. You will never know the impact of hearing about your missionary will have on others.....

  

Until the next time,

 

Mxo

M.I.A - Missing in Action!!

Dear Journal

I couldn't go to bed tonight without writing about my experience today.

Yesterday was my missionary boy's PDay. One son, dutifully writes to his mother - not even a family one just his mum/dad/brother email this week. It was lovely, too short for my liking but it had  wonderful experiences he is having - which are so faith promoting - I love reading over and over and over! Anyway - he writes a short email and then just like that pft! - gone until next week. I imagine him blowing out his last breath of the day and gives himself a big tick on his To DO List next to - write to mum otherwise!!

 

On the other hand, my other son usually writes a bit later in the day so I wait, and wait, and wait - and nothing. I call Mr twice just to make sure it isn't just me or a bad connection on my part - but he isn't getting email either.... so I wait until it becomes obvious (my sons are 7 hours ahead of me) I am not going to get an email. I can't explain fully how I feel at this point. I am worried, but I have faith that he is well. I am stressing out, and yet I know that my son is in the Lord's hands - so basically although intellectually and spiritually I know these facts,  I am an emotional wreck!

                                                                                                                                                             

By the time I am ready to go home from work I have reminded myself some key points; 1) my son is okay because the church would have called me straight away, and 2) I know that he's still alive because surely as his mother I would have felt something...... so I come home and I try and get some sleep, checking my inbox throughout the night and early morning to see if something has popped up after having been temporarily delayed?? Nothing.

 

I wake up and decide to stay home from work because ALL I want to do is to get on a plane to the Dominican Republic to see for myself where he is! I struggle to  stop myself from ringing Interpol, the prophet and/or my son's Mission President...... I don't do any of these!! Instead I put out an APB (all points bulletin) to anyone who knows anyone in the Dominican Republic to look for my son!

 

I get in contact with my neighbour's friends in Melbourne, Australia who have local knowledge of the DR and give them the area in which my son is serving. The city or municipal where my son is has a population of 263,861 people. So this couple send out messages to their friends and promise to get back in touch with me.  While I am waiting, I keep myself busy although one eye and my heart really, is looking at the time, knowing that another day is drawing to a close with NO WORD for me from him.

 

Then at 5pm tonight, midnight where my son is living, I get a message from these wonderful people from Melbourne that says "I have news for you. My friend's friends have gotten hold of your sons' zone leaders and they have said your son is ok!" I can't thank my new friends enough for the help that they have given this MM. They have answered mine and my husband's prayers.... I now know that out of the 263,861, my son is ok and I will probably find out tomorrow  through these same channels - why he didn't email me this week..... I already know the rationale behind it will make sense - but it will great to see it written down.

 

By this time, I am emotionally drained, but I make sure to send a thank you email to my new friends in Melbourne, then I sit at my computer and cry - with relief and a grateful heart.

 

Next, I pull down a pillow from the bed, and kneel on it and pray. I sob and cry out in gratitude, and just pure relief. And while I am praying I feel next to me someone getting down beside me to pray. I tell myself it's the cat putting it's weight on the pillow (under my knees) but I can't hear her purring - and whatever it is leaves and then again someone has kneeled down beside me. I dare not open my eyes.... but feel like someone is beside me.... I know my missionary sons are praying for their crazy mummy and I am grateful for this knowledge. I finish my prayer and I am blessed! I stand up and I feel light.

 

I go to bed tonight - knowing that both of my boys are okay... and my baby who went  M.I.A  on God's errand has been found... and this missionary mama can breathe again!!

Mxo