In a bit of a Funk

Dear Journal

Early this morning when I finally went to bed - I nudged my husband and I told him that I was in a bit of a "funk" - to which he sleepily replied - "a what?" - I say, "y'know - a funk" and then I went on to explain what I was feeling..... the poor man listened (or feel back asleep - it sounded the same :-))..... but basically - I miss my sons.

 

I know all those intellectual and spiritual things like - "they are in God's hands etc", "they are hastening the work etc"... but I can tell you this for free - I do not, and have never to this date found any physical comfort in these phrases. Don't get me wrong - all of it is true - and I know that - but sometimes I just want to talk to my boys even if it is to say 'hi'. I have been pretty honest in this blog about my sons being my world - and without them - I find the emptiness and silence in my life on occasion - to be a little depressing!

 

Research says that the empty nest syndrome (which I have self diagnosed myself as having :-)) is more prevalant in mother's whose identity and feeling of self-worth comes from being a 'mother'. I hadn't realised, that regardless of the degrees (I have two Bachelors and one Masters) I have, or the work/leadership positions I have been in - I actually valued being a mother above all else - I always thought it was my top priority - but now I really KNOW that it was the MOST important 'thing' in my life - and now that I get to be a long distance mother who hears from her sons once a week instead of all day - it is tough! This word has just bought a smile to my face - because I bought this little block that says tough as nails - and I think I need that more than ever - or as my friends tell me - harden up!!

 

The boys are hitting the 2 month mark in a couple of days so I should be used to hearing from them once a week right?! The only problem is when they were in the MTC - their PDays were different - so I actually got a love byte twice a week. Now their love catches up with me like every other missionary mother - once a week and I can tell you 7 days is a LOOOONNNNGGGG time!!

 

So, now that I have acknowledged how I am feeling - what next?? Well, even as I am writing about this "funk" I am in, I can hear my mother's voice telling me what she taught me to do whenever I was down and that was to get back to basics! 1) Say your prayers, 2) Read your Scriptures (even if in wannabe Spanish ;-), 3) Hold Family Home Evening and 4)Go to the temple!! Added to that, and what has helped me move through this is  5) Give service - because it is hard to remember what is you haven't got, when you are too busy helping others with their needs....

But, to tell you the truth, the best bit of this 'funk' is that I have an even simpler cure - PDay - which is tomorrow!!

 

 I'll let you know how I go....

Thanks for listening,

Mxo

Myth Busters

Dear Missionary Mama

This blog makes me smile. As I am writing it, I am thinking about my sons and the emails we have been sharing about these myths we were told about, and how we have busted them!! It doesn't make me angry or hurt, instead - just smile and know it is going to be something that we will talk about when they are finished - and have a laugh...

You see before the boys left for their mission and while at the MTC - I came across some information - all corroborated by other missionaries and/ or my favourite group of people in the world - missionary mothers. So practically it was 'gospel'....... yet now we (the Turketo3) call them myths - hence the smiles.....

MISSIONARY MYTH 1: The Room

We were told while the boys were preparing for their mission, and for some reason, and I do not know why - at the Provo MTC, New Zealand (NZ) is seen as a 3rd world country. This means that the missionaries from NZ join other missionaries from other poor? countries and are taken to this room where they can pick and choose from the items in there and have them - for free! We had heard missionaries picking up suits, bags, shirts, and so on. My niece who went to the Provo MTC - talked of this room....

With this information, and because the boys are serving in a HOT country, and Provo at the time was in the middle of WINTER, we decided that the boys would be able to pick up some warm clothes from the ROOM.

So my sons get called to this room - and the myth is busted! Instead of this massive room (waaaaay smaller than in our imaginations!) and having free range of items - the boys reported that they are met by people who went through their missionary checklist looking for gaps - so the missionary that got a new suit - probably required more suits, hence a suit was picked up.... However, since my sons arrived at MTC with ticks  next to every mission specific/required items, they didn't get much from the room.... but they got what they needed.

My son wrote back and told me that the room is actually made up of lost and found items left by the thousands of missionaries that move through the MTC. It is also made up of clothes - which my son did himself - donated by missionaries that aren't going to be using them. So the warm clothes that one of my sons picked up from other missionaries and from parcels - critical in Provo - but unnecessary in the Caribbean were donated. Other kind saints are also donating. My son, got his warm coat from a missionary who left before him. Myth Busted ;-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 2: The ATM Card
The myth:I read somewhere that missionaries in the MTC get a card like an ATM card that had money on it for things that a missionary would need. Again, based on this information, and embellished by my imagination - I ask the boys about this card... and I relax a little thinking that they are getting money every week to get things that they need - although in the MTC - they don't need much!! I'm thinking - if they want to get something from the bookstore, or they want to get some nice paper to write home to their mother (another dream!!) - this card would have some money on it.

In one of the last emails from the MTC, and I am sure he was wearing a big smile as he was writing, my son tells me - Mum - it wasn't like an ATM card with money on it - it was like a swipey card that has $5 on it - for their laundry. Myth Busted :-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 3: The Airport Call

Now, I am a fan of my missionary mothers groups that I am a part of. Some of the women in there are up to their 4th missionary - so again what they say is 'gospel'. The posts of interests were the ones about missionaries calling home from the airport before leaving or during lay overs. My sons and I planned for these little calls - they have phone cards and one has almost $15 worth of quarters ;-) They are prepared...... I wait and wait and wait........ I even find myself stalking airflights! ;-) What I notice is that when they arrive at the JFK airport in New York (they have never been there before) they have 1 hour to make a connecting flight at another terminal that they have never been too - and I know that checking out and in takes time!! Because of all these little things - I fell into the group of MM who didn't get one phone call. Myth Busted :-)

MISSIONARY MYTH 4: The Mission Home
The myth: I had been reading other missionary mothers posting about how they received on the same day as arrival or soon after a letter from their missionary's Mission President (with a photo), some missionaries were even passed a phone to call home to let their parents know they had arrived safely. So you can see where this is going right..... yes I wait all day and night - and nothing! I think every mission is different so another Myth Busted ;-)

And after all is said and done, even with these little things shattered and not bearing up well to my imagination, expectations and anticipation - I know without a doubt that my sons are in God's hands. Even without knowing by phone call that they had arrived - I know in my heart they did and they are well. I know they are excited and looking forward to working hard and although alittle nervous - they will be like sponges taking in every new experience, sight, sound, and smells of their new home! This belief I have, and this peace I feel inside - is not a myth and will never be busted!

Until the next time,

Take care,

Mxo

Letting Go - Day 42+

Dear Mamas Journal

I look back at my entry that I wrote the first week the boys left home for their missions and I cannot believe I have come this far. Honestly, when the boys left - I felt like my heart was broken, that there was no light, and the grief was overwhelming - and the crying. I had never cried that much EVER before - and was surprised that my eyes could come up with so much water ;-)

 

I have grieved before - when my mother passed away - so I recognised how I felt as grief for the loss of a child - not to death - but to adulthood, not to anything terrible - but to something amazing - but grief all the same. I realised pretty early on - that my sons went away as my babies - and when they come back - they will be grown up men, my role as mother shifted to being an advisor when asked ;-) and let's not even talk about the shift once he gets a wife ;-)

 

So what does it look like - 6 weeks later.... well, for starters I can write this without shedding a tear - and that's progress!

 

Keeping busy - Organising letters and parcels once a week. Thinking of new ideas or quirky happy ways to collect messages and images has been a fun distraction and I have enjoyed it. Check our my post on parcels and letters - so you can see what I've been up to. I also keep a book that I write a sentence a day and collect an image for the day - so that keeps my creative mind busy... Mr and I also have started a book called "How have I seen the hand of the Lord in our Missionary's lives?" Keep busy otherwise your mind will start counting how many days you have to go!!

 

Talking to the Mr - This has been the first time that Mr and I have been together alone since we were dating almost 26 years ago this week actually ;-) When we got married, we lived with my solo mother so we had our own space but we were always together with my mother and sometimes my siblings - and now, its just me and him - and I am loving it... It has been different, interesting and kinda nice ;-)

 

Having fun - Mr and I are trying to do things that we haven't been able to do - and go places that we may not have gone before and we are enjoying it. We are having fun, and for oldies like us - that's something right? We are finding that it is cheaper with just the two of us - so we can go places that we may not have gone before with the children. Recently we have been to a Rugby 7s tournament, and a Rugby League 9's tournament and just the other day we took the day off work to take a visiting cousin to Taupo and Rotorua then Raglan in a day - because - we could! We had an action packed awesome day.

PDays - The MTC has been an amazing experience for the boys and I guess what helps is the power of their testimonies that come through weekly emails and the photos - now those photos made me like a cry baby every time! The first couple of PDays - I was overwhelmed to the point that I didn't go to work. I would have been no good to anyone - crying away at my desk looking at photos and answering emails!! Gradually I made it to work on a  couple of PDays - and cried at my desk but still was there and then the last two PDays - I have been fine....I have learnt for myself the power of the PDay and the emails that you get from your missionary. It's like being addicted to your email inbox, and wherever you are -  you wait, and wait, and wait.... sometimes you are lucky enough to get a photo - but those emails are precious!! I have never heard my sons tell me they love me so much until now. I have watched them connect with their father and ask his advice about companionships - which has been beautiful to see develop. I have read their testimonies and spiritual experiences and honestly - it is what keeps me going. How could I be sad, and want my sons home - when they were happy, learning, serving, and excited.... my feelings becomes less important -and my focus on their happiness becomes more important!!

Counting - I remember waiting for the sun to come up so I could tick off another day! And the days just dragged on and on and were not moving fast enough. When I stopped counting - and this didn't happen until week 4/5 - the days have just been peeling away! I keep three counters and they all keep ticking over regardless which has been awesome. I mean, here I am in week 6, when I thought, honestly it felt like I was going to die of a broken heart in week 1.

Cry - Don't get me wrong - I haven't stopped crying. I just cry for different things now. Before it was about how sad I was and now - it's more about what I am reading and witnessing in my sons. Their testimonies are amazing!! Their experiences are life-changing. They miss home, they miss me and their father - and hearing that makes me cry. What I have found though is that when I am reading their emails - I tend to get emotional.... because I can hear in their words this powerful testimony, and this love they have of the gospel, but more especially their relationship with Heavenly Father and their Saviour Jesus Christ. I call them my golden tears ;-) I cry more now because I feel what they are saying and love them more everyday.

Support - I have had amazing support - both in person or otherwise. I have joined a Missionary Mommas page on facebook which had hundreds in it when I joined last October and now there is over a thousand members. That amount of missionary mothers is best support system you can have because there is bound to be someone, either here or abroad that has had the exact or similar experience to you. I have non-member and member friends who have been so supportive. I got a blessing from one of my missionarys (their father got one from the other twin) and he mentioned on a number of occasions - to "bless mum to know that she is loved and supported". One day I was crying all the way to work - and feeling that there was no way I was going to get through it!! I walk into my building and there is a dear friend who is waiting to talk with me - so we chat away and then she tells me she may have some tickets to a Rugby League 9s tournament! Out of the blue.... it turned out her tickets were available and she sent them to Mr and I - encouraging us to make new happy memories. I cried again - only this time it was for the love of a friend - not a member of my faith - and still was the answer to my missionary's blessing. I shared this with her and she, in closing says to me - "God bless you!!" (How amazing are my friends!! ;-)

Back to the Basics - When it comes down to it - our missionaries are serving the Lord - so I need to get myself into that frame of mind - and do this by getting back to the basics - reading the scriptures (which Mr and I are trying to do in Spanish ;-)), saying our prayers and fasting. It's a formula my mother gave for every challenge faced - and it always works!

My top tip has got to be not to think too far ahead. I couldn't do this if I concentrated on two years so rather go from PDay to PDay or by weeks and it is working for me!

Until the next time,

Mxo

Parcels & letters

There has been a lot of chatter on an facebook group I am a part of  (made up of missionary mothers only - can you imagine that?? I love it!!) - regarding parcels and letters. In fact before the boys had even been set apart I was taking all this information in and was better prepared for it. So this is what I have done over the last 6 weeks that the boys have been gone...

1. Old School is still the best

Regardless of what anyone says - a handwritten letter is the best! It is normal practice to email, and through places like DearElder.com you can send an email, which will get printed and put into an envelope and delivered and if blessed enough to be in the Provo MTC- it can be delivered free! We have done this, as well as sent care packages through DearElder.com - but when we recieved our own envelope of hand written letters - we were alittle - well, make that I was overwhelmed  - I cried! When the boys settle in the Dominican Republic I am going to hand write to them at least each fortnight!

 

2. Out with the Old and in with the Old ??

When I was a teenager and granted it was some decades ago - without the internet - we used to use old magazine pictures and write letters on the other side of them - and fold them in a way that they also served as an envelope. Well 30 years later, guess what I did for my missionaries - picked pages from magazines and wrote on them and turned them into envelopes. My niece is also a missionary - so I have to admit finding funky images for her was much easier - but for them I have even turned tv, appliances and furniture adverts into writing paper. The boys have loved receiving these  - every one!! So try it - look through the latest magazine and let your imagination take over ;-) If there was too much writing, then I found some scrapbooking paper and covered it up and wrote on that. The little superhero photo was a furniture advert in a house magazine, with a piece of scrapbook paper at the bottom to cover up the details.

3. Creative messages

I have heard that photos or images are worth a thousand words - so what happens if you combine them both? I have done this a few times - the first was at a beach activity. I painted an old framed picture (picked it up from a 2nd hand store) with blackboard paint and had friends and people my missionaries knew, write messages to the boys then photographed them holding their message.  After I had a handful - I made a collage - each one different - and sent them over inside a parcel. They were so surprised!! One of my boys loved it so much - saying it was an answer to his prayers - and he had planned to ask me to send him some photos of friends and family. It buoyed him up - especially when he was at the MTC in the snow - having left us and summer behind just a few weeks earlier. Be creative with your messages - short is good enough and remember - just because they are on a mission - doesn't mean they don't need to have a little giggle or laugh and see people from home!

4. Pictures are worth a thousand words

Recently Mr and I went with our friends to Wellington, NZ - about a 6 hour drive from where we live. While we were there we went to an international Rugby 7s competition. It has got a reputation of people dressing up in costumes (and other things) - and so I approached people to hold a handmade sign on the back of a paper bag saying 'HOLA'. I again put that together as a collage on one side of an A4 sized card and on the cover - I put a message and photos of Mr and I telling our sons how much we loved them!! 

5. Parcels and letters are not cheap
I sent a parcel to the MTC a week before the boys got there so when they did - they had a parcel waiting for them or arrived soon after landing. It made their day! It cost more to send it than what was in it!! I made a pact that I would send them a parcel every week - and yes it cost hundreds of dollars - but I needed to do that for me! I didn't want them to want for anything - turns out - they wanted (well one son in particular) more than what I sent and he will live without it!! But parcels are not cheap. Now the boys are moving to the Dominican Republic and parcels take 6-8 weeks to arrive IF AT ALL!! I need to be a little more organised and will be utitlising DearElder.com who will print emails and put them in envelopes and mail once a week -and also do something called a pouch - which is alittle bigger than a letter (photos can be added) with a small charge and this is done once a week as well. So I will be utilising all of these options as well as regular mailing. As it is expensive - think about sharing parcels and letters amongst your family and friends!

6. Be careful
I have heard of stories where missionaries never receive their parent's parcels -  I am prepared for this, hence using DearElder.com. but will let you know if that works!! However, this is not what you need to be careful of - as I found out. There are rules about the things that you can send which I found out the hard way.. My sons needed some insect repellent - so thinking they would be able to shop on their PDay - we planned for them to purchase this in the States. Little did  we know that they were unable to go shopping AT ALL while in the MTC - so ended up with no insect repellent. Big problem!! It is a requirement for them to take it as Denghi fever and Malaria  and other insect carried diseases are big health concerns in the DR..... so I thought I would mail them some insect repellent - WRONG MOVE. Unbeknown to me until it was dropped off - a couple of my parcels had been stopped, opened, re-taped and then sent on to the boys - with the insect repellent sent back to me as dangerous and hazardous!! The drama and a lesson for me!! So be careful with what you send - although I declared it - it came back and my sons never got their parcel for that week....

7. Use every surface

Missionary mothers (MMs) are an amazing group of people and some of the things that are getting sent to missionaries is amazing - so that my babies didn't miss out I adapted it and did my own thing - but based on the same premise of filling every empty space on the parcel with love. Some mothers filled the insides of the parcel flaps with pictures of sunshines, other attached themed pictures like hearts on valentines day, flowers, you name it - it's been done!! I have stuck photos on mine so that the first thing my son will see when he opens his parcel beside the goodies inside is a reminder of the people who love him dearly!! Other times I have written messages and encouragement for him so that his eyes are full of things that I want him to know. Basically, I use every surface to let him know that he is loved and never ever alone!!

8. Guidelines on what not to do

There is this awesome article about what to do and what not to do when writing to a missionary that I thought was great. It is an older article but it is still a very good read. However, I think the most important thing to note is to use what you think is best for your child.... For example, after reading this article - Mr and I decided that we wouldn't tell the boys how much we missed them - so we wrote emails back and forward - never telling them that. They would tell us how much they missed us - but we told them we loved them but never concentrated on the "missing" bit - and remember I thought I was dying of heartache and grief - so it was difficult for me NOT to let them  how I was feeling. Then one day, I read a post by another MM who had a son return home and she said that her first two children - she never told them that she missed them but the younger two she did (without ever dwelling on it! - and that's the key).  She said - that it made a difference - the younger two appreciated knowing that they were missed - whereas the older two often wondered if they were missed, and never felt like they were - what a powerful lesson for me.... So since then, and in the last few weeks we tell them that we miss them and love them more.... Which has worked because one of our boys has been a bit homesick and to know that his mother and father actually missed him heaps - helped him - he knew he was not alone - EVER!! Check the article out - http://www.lds.org/new-era/2007/03/missionary-mail?lang=eng

I hope you have found something helpful in this entry!! I will let you know how I go sending things into the Dominican Republic - starting next week. I plan to send a peanut butter care package through DearElder.com - which according to them is one of the top request from missionaries serving internationally - peanut butter? Who would have thought that...

Until the next time,

Mxo
 

The MTC

Dear Journal (I must find you a name!!)

40 strong international cohort of
missionaries from everywhere except the
USA. All arrived Monday night - the USA
missionaries arrived on Wed.

To be honest I didn't really know know what happens at the Missionary Training Centre (MTC). I mean Mr tells me what he remembers, but when your 'intel' is almost 25 years old - you have to wonder ;-) In one of my son's email, he said it was hard work, and trying to learn how to teach the gospel in ENGLISH is fine - but to do it in Spanish is proving to be a tad more complicated. Both boys are loving it though!! and even though not so keen on their companions YET, I'm sure as a twin they will be able to navigate having someone in their back pocket 24/7.  Mr, bless his heart reminds me every time I worry that the spirit will actually do the teaching which makes sense - so I'm not too worried!

 

As you do, I found to help was this webpage called "What to Expect at the Missionary Training Centre: Everything You Need To Know About Your Stay at the MTC" by Rachel Bruner at http://lds.about.com/od/programs3foldmission/tp/missionary_training_center.htm It is written to inform a pre-missionary of what to expect but I found it really helpful trying to understand what my boys are up to at the moment.....

 

Here are some things I was grateful to read - thank you Rachel!!:

 

The power dot and entering into the MTC

My son emailed me about this dot - so it was great to read. "When [your missionary] check[s] in at the MTC [they] will be given a "power dot" (bright red/orange sticker aka "dork dot") to identify [them] as a new MTC missionary. Wearing this sticker allows MTC volunteers, employees, and the other missionaries  to help, such as carrying heavy luggage to dorm rooms - [and] who doesn't want help with that? The MTC is huge, with 1000’s of missionaries and many buildings, so [ensure your missionary doesn't] feel ashamed to ask for help if [they] get a bit confused.

After an orientation with the MTC president will process some of [your missionary's] paperwork, receive any additional immunizations, and receive a packet of information that will include [his/her] assigned companion, dorm room, district, branch, teachers, classes, preparation day, mailbox, and debit card."

 

Companions, Districts and Branches

 "One of the basic rules for all missions, including time at the Missionary Training Center, is to always remain with your assigned companion. The "missionary conduct" rules also tells MTC missionaries to "cultivate your companionship by sitting together in all meetings and at all meals." You will share a dorm room with your companion and probably two or more other missionaries who may, or may not, be in your district which usually consists of 12 missionaries.

The district works under a branch and each branch attends regular sacrament meeting services together on Sundays." One of the boys tried to explain how it works - and I got confused but it sounds all organised and sees young men in leadership roles in just a matter of weeks which suits me! This photo is of their first temporary companions before being separated, and the boys going to their permanent Spanish speaking quarters. They bonded quickly with Elder Tangi and Elder Dixon, and can imagine their reunion in 2 years time when they finish at the same time!

Lessons, Learning, and Languages
The majority of the time at the MTC will be spent in classes with your district. Each day (except for Sundays and P-Days)  will have three classes, each with a different teacher. During class time [a missionary] will learn how to study the scriptures, preach the gospel and proselytise. For those learning another language, classes last for (almost 7 weeks), in which missionaries will learn [their] new language as well as how to preach the gospel in that language. This missionary manual of study is Preach My Gospel. This is Elder Aisake Turketo's district. Not sure how many cameras are doing the photographing ;-)
 

Food

"Food at the Missionary Training Center is excellent! The cafeteria has an assortment of tasty dishes to choose from for each meal. Since there are thousands of missionaries at the MTC [your missionary] will often have to wait in a long line before you get your food....One common practice among MTC missionaries while waiting in line is to practice being a missionary, such as inviting people to hear your message, as well as practicing [their] new language."

 

One of the boys mentioned this in his first email - so the food has gotta be good!!

 

Money, Mail, & Missionary Materials

Missionaries "receive a missionary access card which is basically the MTC's debit card. Each week a specific amount of funds will be deposited into your account which you will use for laundry, meals, and at the MTC bookstore. The MTC bookstore stocks the basic missionary supplies, such as books, pamphlets, scriptures, scriptures cases, backpacks, laundry detergent, and a large variety of other missionary related materials and goodies.

There is a post office at the MTC and each missionary is assigned their own mailbox- which address is among the papers you receive when you first arrive at the Missionary Training Center."

 

Preparation-Day at the MTC

"Preparation-day, called P-Day, is one day set aside during your mission (including your time at the MTC) to take care of personal needs, such as laundry, cleaning, haircuts, write home, do service, and exercise. Missionaries at the MTC are also supposed to attend the Provo Temple on their p-day.

Missionaries are assigned specific duties as part of their p-day service, which might include things like cleaning bathrooms, dorm buildings, the grounds, and other buildings.

Missionaries will have time to get some fun exercise with activities such as volleyball, basketball, and jogging. P-day ends at the beginning of the dinner hour."

 

I got emails and photos from my boys this week on their P-Day, one of which is on Sunday (NZT) and the other Wednesday (NZT) which have now become my favourite days of the week!! They both got to go to the temple and are absolutely loving it!! I love P-Days!! They both gave me a shopping list - so off to do some shopping tommorow. I still get to be a mum and nothing makes me happier!!

 

So there you have it - some tidbits about what goes on at the MTC. Thank you Rachel Bruner for sharing with this MM.

See you next week,
 

Mxo

Letting Go - DAY 7+

Dear Journal,

Some years ago - I used to teach Human Development, of which the cycle of a  human being was taught. There I learnt words such as launching, re-launching, and empty nesting. At that time my sons were about 3-4 years old and this launching (children leaving home) and empty nest syndrome (parents at home with no children) seemed so far away. I remember, even back then dreading the day my precious babies would leave me! If only I knew then what I know now.

Letting the boys go has been one of the hardest things I have had to do - the reality, and the finality has been overwhelming, and almost unbearable. For me, letting go has been saying goodbye to my role as a full-time mother. I know that with them going they are now in the Lord's hands, but as they return they will no longer be my baby boys, instead, two grown men, almost-peers. So saying goodbye to them reminds me of this upcoming new stage in my life.

Coupled with these feelings is my reality that the boys are everything I have in this life - and now they are gone, in their place is this great big empty nest. I don't have young children to fill in the silences with their arguing, fighting, laughter and tears. I don't have grandchildren with their giggles and dirty nappies. All I have is this house, and a husband that walks around equally as stunned as I am - the penny finally dropping - we are all alone!!

They haven't been gone for long and it feels like years have dragged by!!

I know I am going to get through this - because I know so many other capable mothers of missionarys that  are not only alive and breathing - they are thriving members of their communities, working hard, and not crying ALL of the time!!

But for now - I am taking one day at a time. Sunday was a terrible day, but today is going okay so far ;-) Here are some tips I found online http://www.wikihow.com/Recover-From-Empty-Nest-Syndrome to help empty nesters recover. I'm going to try them - one day soon...

1) Although it doesn't say this online - the first one for me is living and really implementing Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding, In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.." and another one from  Richard G. Edgley "Choose faith over doubt, choose faith over fear, choose faith over the unknown and the unseen, and choose faith over pessimism.." Online - they call this step "Shift Aside the Terrifying Thoughts".

2) Accept Support

I really haven't wanted to see anyone except my brother and sister and their families - them, I can't get enough of.... and have been hiding in my little sanctuary. But my closest friends have burrowed their way in, bringing me flowers, coming for dessert, texting and emailing or just popping in.  The suggestion that suits me best is this: "Acknowledge your grief. It doesn't matter what other people think or say about getting on with it. Unacknowledged grief will gnaw away at you if you don't face it and let yourself be upset for a time. Allow the grief to work through your system." And with that I take one day at a time, trying hard not to hear the people who are thinking "What's her problem?" "Why doesn't she just snap out of it?" "She's lucky - I can't wait until all of my kids are gone"!! This is how I feel - and I'm working through it the best way I know how.

3) Start looking at your own needs

This made me smile: "Avoid creating a shrine out of your child's bedroom. If they didn't clean it up before they left, throw some of your emotions into removing all that trash! Eliminate some of the clutter, but carefully place your child's keepsakes in safe storage." It's easy enough to do this, but for Mr and I we cleaned the rooms out and they look nothing like they used to and that works for me! The suggestion I like the best is : "Go back to school or university. Select a course that you feel resonates with you at this point in life. Work out whether this is a completely new path you're setting out on, or whether it's to upgrade your existing qualifications. Either way is good." This year, Mr and I are either going to take up Ballroom Dancing or learn Spanish.... or who knows - we might do both ;-)

4) Rediscover the Love of your Life

The only trouble with this one is that I already do this often - and honestly I would not have been able to get through this last little period without Mr. He has been so kind and gentle to me. I asked him early on - to never ever roll his eyes when I am pleading my heart out, and not to put a limit on my grief which he has kept to so far.... luckily he had some practice when my mother died - now that was a WHOLE 'nother story... Wikihow's suggestion: "Allow time for your relationship to blossom anew. This can be an exciting time of rejuvenation for both of you." We are looking forward to taking some weekends away and looking forward to touring the South Island of NZ for Christmas!

5) Focus on some of the positive points of your kids leaving

What is so funny is that I have an Aunty who is going through this season as well, after raising 6 awesome children - she has found herself a widow and an empty nester - and she is doing great!! She is my example of the 'after-life' of children and makes me excited about the possibilities. The biggest change so far as been the toilet paper - I don't know what my boys used to do - but that 18 pack of toilet paper is lasting longer than it used to! Our grocery bill has plummeted, as has the laundry and the need to clean. I am yet to tackle the toilet - but will get on to that - and Mr assures me we can keep it clean now the boys are gone! But between you and me - I am sure he will still miss the bowl!! Some kid's habits never die even when they are adults;-)

All the best with your letting go of your missionary. May you do it better than me - with dignity, courage, and gusto...

Mxo

Tender Mercies

Dear Journal

I have recently come to consider the number of coincidences that occur in my life as a Missionary Mama - and realised, well I already knew this, but finally fully understood, that there are no such thing as coincidences, instead they are tender mercies being extended to us when we truly need them. And, believe me I needed some - and have been blessed accordingly.

Elder Bednar has taught "I testify that the tender mercies of the Lord are real and that they do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence. Often the Lord's timing of this tender mercies helps us to both discern and acknowledge them..... The Lord's tender mercies are the very personal and individualised blessings, strength, protection, assurances, guidance, loving-kindness, consolation, support, and spiritual gifts which we receive from and because of and through the Lord Jesus Christ. Truly the Lord suits 'his mercies according to the conditions of the children of men."

When the boys got their mission call, they had to report to the Missionary Training Centre (MTC) in the Dominican Republic (DR) - but as it turned out - there is nowhere in the Pacific for them to get visas into the DR, so their reporting MTC was changed to Provo, Utah. And with that news, Mission Get Together was born!!

 

The first thing I did was make contact with my cousin Vernon Heperi to arrange to pick the boys up. Now Vernon is a very important person at BYU Provo, and as his time is precious, I was unsure if he would be able to do this for me. As it turned out, he made himself available to pick my babies up. What was great is just the year before we had spent some time with Vernon, and early 2013 the boys spent time with his sons, and then later we visited again when Vernon came to NZ.  

 

With that confirmed, I asked that once the boys were picked up from the airport,  if Vernon would take the boys for a visit with my niece, their cousin, Sister Niyah Garisau who has been serving a mission in the Salt Lake Temple Square Mission since September 2013. He said he would be able to do that and asked me to contact Sister Garisau's Mission President, of which I did.

 

Now the co-incidences don't stop there. You see, Sister Garisau had a change in Mission Presidents (MP), so I was a little nervous to ask her new one, as he would only be new and this visit may have been something that would not be approved. However, as it turned out, when I rang the MP's office, Sister Garisau's former MP was still serving and training the new MP, and because he knew Sister Garisau well, he allowed the visit, and a release to go to dinner and spend time on Temple Square. What a blessing, that a MP would know Sister Garisau well enough to know how important this visit was.

 

I spoke to Vernon the afternoon the boys were to arrive and let him know about Sister Garisau's schedule and the meeting point... After losing my patience (Vernon had promised to call) I called Vernon and I got to talk to my sons! Elder Dimitri Turketo reminded me quickly that he would talk to me in May (Mother's Day) and was wanting to keep the Mission Rules and hang up the phone ;-) What a good boy!! Luckily my other son and Sister Garisau wanted to talk ;-) Not only had my babies made it safely through San Francisco to Salt Lake in one piece - but they were having dinner with Sister Garisau!! Vernon had taken them to the Roof Restaurant in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building - which I love!! If the boys went to the DR MTC - this would never have happened....what a blessing!!

 

Finally, Vernon took the boys after their visit with Sister Garisau to check into the MTC. He emailed me photos and a short video clip of them checking in. He did that for me and I will be so grateful to him for that! He knew I was worried and missing my sons, so he stayed with them as far as I would have been allowed.... Receiving the video clip and photos made this MM's day!!

 

I know that God is in control, and thank Him for extending His tender mercies to this sookylala of a MM through the change in reporting MTC, Vernon being available to pick the boys up, and care for them, and Sister Garisau's MP approving her visit with her cousins. What a wonderful event this was for both sides of the veil!

 

President Thomas S Monson has said: there is a guiding hand above all things. Often when things happen, it's not by accident. One day, when we look back at the seeming coincidences of our lives, we will realise that perhaps they weren't so coincidental after all. The Lord knows [our] trials. He knows our victories, And if [we] trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.... he shall direct thy paths"

 

What tender mercies have you found in your life?

 

Mxo